shvitzing about Pieter

A woman I'll call Annette is one of my friends from what I think of as "the yoga mob" -- smart, sexy, single women I met in a great yoga class I took when I lived in Los Angeles. She's originally from New York, in her later 20s, with sultry, dark Sephardic looks. If Sandra Bullock had a prettier younger sister, that would be Annette.

She and I hit it off almost immediately after we met, because she has bawdy, frank attitudes about men and sex that she's always happy to share. I still miss our long lunches.

Annette's nominally Jewish but rarely attends religious services. She is what, in the movie business, is often called a Holiday Jew. She does Rosh Hashanah in respect to her family, and that's about it.

She has this thing about big, strapping, Aryan-looking men and, given she's so svelte and gorgeous, has never been at a loss for quality male attention. She's also attracted to the classic alpha male, the sort of badass guy who has an exotic motorcycle, who drives way too fast, who adeptly handles a gun yet knows exactly the right wine to order with any meal and is a tender and attentive lover who can last for hours. You get the picture.

Annette has been working on assignment in a major European city for the past year. She occasionally emails updates about her life and various adventures with whatever Nordic god she happens to be bedding at the moment.

About a month ago, she met a particularly striking guy I'll call Pieter from a central European country who has some sort of hush-hush government job he can't discuss. He travels quite a bit and has a lot of free time because of his vague work, and they have had many wonderful adventures in their dazzling adopted country. She's shared some details about him -- he has a blackbelt in karate and sleeps with a gun on the nightstand, for example -- and he sounds like he walked out of a spy novel.

She also emailed a picture of her with Pieter, and she was not exaggerating when she said he was breathtaking -- strong jaw, striking blue eyes, light blond hair, powerful physique, the works. Both seem quite smitten with each other, and she had been wondering in emails whether he was "the one," that hypothetical soulmate most girls look for who brings a whole different future into perspective.

The other week, Pieter told her he had to go out of the country for a few days to visit his ailing grandmother in Tel Aviv. Annette wondered what in the world his grandmother was doing in Israel.

"She lives there," he responded.

"Why?" she answered. "She's not Jewish."

"Actually, she is. My mother is Jewish. My father is Roman Catholic."

Now, to me, this makes Pieter the ideal man for her. Although he's actually agnostic, he is technically Jewish (if your mother is a Jew, most Jews will consider you Jewish). Annette is nominally Jewish. So this seems a perfect match for both and would keep their relatives happy.

Annette, however, has a problem. She is one of those Jewish women who aren't attracted to Jewish men. She has spent all of her romantic life refusing to date Jews. His revelation has seriously dampened her feelings for him. Now I can understand a woman not wanting to date gawky Schmul the yeshiva scholar, but Pieter is on the opposite end of that spectrum. She even described him, before she found out about his heritage, as "a poster boy for the Aryan Youth."

I'm not Jewish, but I've known some Jews who can be the most anti-Semitic about the silliest things. A few years back, I briefly dated a Jewish film producer who refused to make any movie with a Judaic theme.

Who cares if Pieter is technically Jewish, particularly considering she's one herself? What does that matter? He's a wonderful guy, an attentive lover, and a hell of a lot of fun. He is her ideal man.

Other friends beside me have told her she's being silly to dump him because of his tenuous connection to a faith she happens to share. "But he's Jewish!" came one lamenting email and all sorts of shvitzing about how that ruins him for her. He's also not circumcised, which she now considers "deceptive."

I emailed her back and told her to snap out of it. I hope she takes my advice. She'd be a fool to let him go.

The picture above is not Pieter but professional baseball player Gabe Kapler, who happens to be Jewish. Any woman who would throw Gabe out of her bed would have to be nuts. But unfortunately ladies, he's happily married. Look at those kissable lips. Oy!