an inclination for BDSM?

I took this test. Now I want you to take it, too. I don't want any backtalk. Are you giving me a hard time? I certainly hope not. You'll know I'll have to punish you if you do. You know I don't like it when you misbehave and don't listen to me. Now do it.

This is how I scored:

Exhibitionist/Voyeur -- 100%
Bondage -- 100%
Switch -- 100%
Degradation Lover -- 96%
Submissive -- 86%
Experimental -- 86%
Sadist -- 82%
Masochist -- 75%
Dominant -- 64%
Vanilla -- 7%

These things, of course, are never scientific. I think I was scored accurately in most areas but not in a few. I would say, for example, I'm more masochist than sadist.

bugs

A great deal of artistry went into this, but consider the subject and the placement. Tell me the truth, guys: would you ever want to make love to a woman in daylight with giant insects staring at you in the face? And what if you want to take her out for a night on the town and, when you pick her up, she's wearing a strapless dress? What do you say the first time you undress her, peel away her clothes, and this is what you find?

Ken Marcus

Ken Marcus is a renowned photographer known for his Playboy, Penthouse, and BDSM images. Not many people probably realize, however, he studied under Ansel Adams for a number of years. He's also done extensive mainstream commercial work for decades as well as celebrity portraiture.

latin tattoo

Does a tattoo become classy because it includes a Latin inscription? Perhaps its owner thinks "I'm a rebel and an intellectual, because you probably don't know what this means. Nya nya nya."

But oderint dum metuant just doesn't have that "classy" Latin feel to it that rolls off the tongue, like say animus facit nobilem or in aere aedificare.

I can see some stoned dude squinting at it in a biker bar. "What the fuck does that say bro -- "odors dumb mutant"? What the fuck that's supposed to mean?"

It actually means "let them hate so long as they fear," a quote from Caligula. I can't read Latin so I looked it up, but I know who Caligula was. I can't say that iss someone I'd wanted on my body the rest of my life. What, you couldn't find something snappy from Pol Pot?

Thanksgiving hnt

Although Thanksgiving is just another day here Down Under, I am nonetheless thankful for so many things. One of them is the wonderfully warm weather; it's strange to have a late spring/early summer day on Thanksgiving. Many flowers are in bloom, including this lovely rose featured in today's Half-Nekkid Thursday entry.

Have a wonderful, safe, healthy, and happy holiday!

virginity milestones

I'm currently reading a literary novel where they author describes the circumstances of a young woman in high school losing her virginity:

"That was the first time. It was not gross, like she imagined when she thought of her classmates and their activities. It was...something else. Like a part of her brain she hadn't known existed. Like discovering she could speak a foreign language that she had never heard before. She didn't know why she had done it -- she had been curious, she guessed, and whatever part of her was awakening, whatever part of her was impulsive and insane, caught hold suddenly."

In many ways this describes my own experience and that of other women I know, particularly the brain and language comparison. What interested me is the fact that the book's author is a man, an American named Dan Chaon. This passage appears in his first novel, You Remind Me of Me, a lovely and haunting work.

I asked Darling Husband if losing his virginity was anything like this. He said it wasn't. For him it was the thrill of having scored, of now having bragging rights, of crossing the threshold into manhood. I asked if this was true for other men he knew. He said he thought so.

On a side note, Husband lost his virginity to a friend's mother in a Mrs. Robinson-like scenario. She was the seducer, and he was the willing seventeen-year-old prey. I've seen pictures of him when he was seventeen. I can't say that I blame her.

That notwithstanding, the unscientific result of my little study is that young women may dread losing their virginity, but once it happens, it can be transforming for them. Alternatively, for young men it's more like a milestone, ranking up there with getting their first car.

the life of former pornstars

From the latest issue of The New Yorker:

NID: Yes? May I help you? Why are you knocking on my front door?

CHUCK: Ma’am, I work as a roof repairman. I just turned nineteen and I’m in terrific shape. It’s really hot out here and I am very thirsty. I’m also quite hungry. My appetites are insatiable.

ENID: A roof repairman, huh? Do you have any references?

CHUCK: No, but I am very lonely.

ENID: No references!

CHUCK: No, Ma’am.

ENID: Can you fix gutters?

CHUCK: I can fix anything.

ENID: Hmm, that’s a good skill. What are your rates?

CHUCK: Ma’am, if you’d just let me into the house, I think you’d be plenty pleased....

ENID: I wouldn’t be so sure of that. I’ve had bad experiences with handymen in the past. Sloppy work.

CHUCK: Nothing sloppy about me. Here, let me take off my shirt. And my pants.

ENID: You’re just wasting my time. Send me an estimate and I’ll think about it. Maybe in the fall.

CHUCK: But . . .

SAL (from the family room): Close the goddam door already! The blasted air-conditioning!

Read more here.

cross-gender dreams

I had a very strange dream last night. I dreamed I was somehow magically transformed into a man. I knew inherently some sort of magic had occurred and was curious to try out my rather commodious penis. I kept looking with it and touching it but felt no sensation.

I was rather quickly pursued by two women who became somewhat violent with each other deciding who would get me, but they soon settled down to getting their freak on with me at the same time. My penis responded appropriately, but I was very disappointed to discover I couldn't feel anything. It was sort of like a POV porn movie as I watched myself being serviced by these two women. I did not have an orgasm.

I awoke and was relieved to discover I was a woman once again, with fully functioning parts and without a penis. I like it this better this way.

lovely but...

The image here is lovely and imaginative, the artistry outstanding.

But...

It's forever. And ever and ever. That will be on your leg until they feed you into the cremation furnace or pack you in the wooden box to shuffle off your mortal coil. When you have old lady legs spiraled with varicose veins and saggy flesh, they'll still be there.

saying no to twilight

Darling Husband and I rent DVDs at our local library, which has a better selection and availability than the stores near us. We usually visit the library together and, as we're browsing for new video choices, one of us will pull something out, show it to the other, then we'll often react at the same time. We know each other's tastes well enough now that he can usually pick something I'll like and vice-versa.

He pulled out Twilight the other day, looked at me, and pulled a face like he'd just smelled something unpleasant. My reaction was identical. No words were exchanged. Back it went in the rack.

I never read the Stephenie Meyer books so I'm not a fan, but what I know about the movie does not appeal to me now, nor would it have appealed to me when I was fifteen. It seems to be a given that vampires in books and movies don't have sex. Anne Rice's famous blood suckers abstained, and from what I understand, the Meyer characters have the same lack of interest in rumpy-pumpy, as they say here Down Under.

I'm sure that's reassuring for parents of fifteen-year-olds, but it just makes the material seem so deliberately skewed to me that I would find the characters unrealistic from the get-go. The whole look of the films, from what I've seen in trailers for the first and second one, make them look like Abercrombie & Fitch zombies more than vampires. When I was a teenager, I lusted after men, not boys, so it's hard for me to identify with the swooning teenage girl who's excited about the male species but ambivalent about sex.

I saw a spot on telly here where some talking head was gushing about the "hunks" of New Moon, the second film in the installment. The picture shown on the screen was much like the one below, a production still I found online, and my first reaction was "they're not hunks -- they're just boys."

Hopefully somebody one day will make a good movie about vampires who have interesting, complex sex lives.

fashion world disconnect

It was bad enough when the fashion biz began to favor emotionless women for models who looked like mannequins. Now they look like mannequins crossbred with mutant aliens, not to mention she's probably 6'3" and weighs 93 pounds.

Add in the totally unflattering clothes that look like rejects from a low-budget 1970s scifi flick, and welcome to the world of today's haute couture. It seems the goal now is to make the woman as unattractive and mentally vacant as inhumanly possible.

killer boots hnt

I did a modeling gig about six months ago at a trade show where I sat on a motorcycle for four days and smiled. These boots were part of the outfit I was given to wear, which I was allowed to keep at the end of the assignment.

I'm sure these were expensive boots, but they're uncomfortable as hell. Plus, they take about a half hour to lace up correctly. I don't like footwear with ridiculously high, unsafe soles, plus add the fact that these would not pop off your feet if you fell, and they're a recipe for a broken ankle or far worse.

I would have given them to a charity shop after the gig was over were it not for the fact that Darling Husband has something of a boot fetish. It gets his motor revved when I wear these and nothing else to bed.

I titled this Half-Nekkid Thursday post "killer boots," not because I think they look killer, but because I think they are killers. One misstep on concrete and it could all be over save for the funeral.

what if the internet disappeared?

Cracked magazine recently held a Photoshop contest with the theme "what would the world of tomorrow be like if the Internet disappeared?" Some entries I liked are below; you can see all the finalists here.

strippers in the news

I usually try to stay up on my stripper and exotic dancer news, having once been both, but this one slipped past my radar. I guess I really am turning into a boring married lady.

Anyway, a few weeks ago, a deputy assistant attorney general and former state legislator in South Carolina was stopped by police after he was spotted in his SUV during the lunch hour in a secluded portion of a cemetery known for sex trysts. The man in question, one Roland Corning, aged 66, sped away from the scene but apparently was pursued by a police vehicle (news reports are a little spotty on all the facts). He ultimately stopped and showed identification to the police.

The officer searched the car -- again the news reports did not specify why, but presumably there were legal grounds -- and various sex toys and Viagra was found, which Corning said he always kept in his vehicle "just in case," according to the police report. Corning was accompanied in the car by an 18-year-old stripper from a local establishment, the Platinum Plus Gentleman's Club.

While the officer did not cite nor arrest Corning or the stripper, he did call the Attorney General's office and spoke to his wife, who just happens to work there. She confirmed Corning was indeed the deputy assistant attorney general.

The officer's wife then told her supervisor, who in turn told the attorney general, who fired Corning later in the day. Such a trip to the cemetery "would not be appropriate, at any time, for an assistant attorney general," his boss said in a statement to reporters.

Presumably, however, the unnamed stripper was not fired. The gentleman's club, one would imagine, was not so picky about what might be considered inappropriate.

I wear your shirt

This seems like, in a bad economy, an idea doomed to fail: a guy charges to wear a different promotional T-shirt every day. He then posts pictures of himself all over the web in your sponsored shirt.

The earlier you are in the year, the cheaper the buy, so the first day of the year is $1, the fiftieth is $50, and so on. Now that we're into November, the price is over $300 a day.

I was amazed to learn he's been doing it all year, and he's sold out through July of next year. He's not exactly male model material, either (that's him below), although his girlfriend is cute. You can read more about him at his website.

I wonder how much I could get to wear a different T-shirt a day, say, if I didn't wear a bra underneath?

I may have found my new career.

what some people will do for fame

I do think the guy on the right was more creative with his placement. He had a whole Lion King effect going there for a while.

croissant and buns

I will admit that I've always found a very small tattoo on a nicely shaped man's ass to be kind of sexy. I've slept with a few men who had cute little discreet things back there like a butterfly or a faux lipstick kiss. If it's no larger than, say, two inches across and he has a nice firm set of buns, I think it can be very hot. He's discretely advertising he's secretly a wild boy.

But, really, a croissant tattoo reading a newspaper on your ass is not my idea of alluring. I'm sure this means something to its proud possessor -- and it looks quite new in this image, given the penumbra of redness around the edges -- but I imagine he has to explain the inside joke to everyone who sees it. As well, I would submit he has marred an otherwise rather nicely shaped set of temptingly spankable manbuns.

girl scout

After I made this, I showed it to the husband, and he didn't understand my attempt at humor. Or should I say humour. (In full disclosure, I glommed the photo portion from someone else's dismotivational poster where I didn't think the gag was worded very well.)

The reason this fell flat for hubby was that they don't call them Girl Scouts here in Australia -- they're Girl Guides -- and they sell biscuits, not cookies, although biscuits in Commonwealth countries are a type of sweet cracker thingee that's almost like a cookie. Yet there are other things, like a chocolate chip cookie, that are still called cookies here.

At least the girls here make the stuff they sell, not like in the US. I have never seen any of them around, however. I wonder if they'd be interested in a counselor for sex merit badges? That sounds like the plot for a 1970s porn movie. Cyndi is desperate to find someone to help her practice for her fellatio badge, when she stops by Mr. Parker's house to see if he's interested in her cookies... Complications, as they say in the movie biz, ensue.

Happy Friday the Thirteenth. Don't sit on a black cat.

oil slick hnt

This week's Half-Nekkid Thursday is a shot Darling Husband took when I was sound asleep at the nude beach early this year. I think this shot makes my ass look fat, but he insists it was just the camera lens distorting the shot.

Our weather is now about the equivalent to May in Southern California. It was in the high 80s today, but temperatures have been averaging mostly in the 70s and the humidity is generally quite low, so it still feels too cool and breezy to attempt a trip to the nude beach just quite yet.

man arrested in ironic costume

James Miller of Oxford, Ohio, was stopped by police while driving the wrong way down a one-way street with his lights out at 1:30 a.m.

When the officer approached his car and smelled alcohol, Miller was observed stuffing his mouth with gum. Notwithstanding an open beercan on the car's console plus a partially consumed case of beer on the passenger seat and more in the car's trunk, Miller insisted he had not been drinking.

The cop nonetheless gave him a Breathalyzer test, and Miller blew a .15, nearly twice the legal limit.

To make matters worse, he was carrying several different Ohio driver's licenses.

What makes this arrest memorable, however, was Miller's costume:

He was dressed as a Breathalyzer. His mugshot appears below.

framed for child porn by a PC virus

This is a very disturbing article I stumbled on today; it concludes via the link you'll find at the end of the piece. While the chances of a false prosecution are quite slim, it can happen, so that's why good anti-virus software is a must, particularly if you surf porn sites, where malicious cyberpoison is rampant and can infect your computer.

Of all the sinister things that Internet viruses do, this might be the worst: They can make you an unsuspecting collector of child pornography.

Heinous pictures and videos can be deposited on computers by viruses — the malicious programs better known for swiping your credit card numbers. In this twist, it's your reputation that's stolen.

Pedophiles can exploit virus-infected PCs to remotely store and view their stash without fear they'll get caught. Pranksters or someone trying to frame you can tap viruses to make it appear that you surf illegal Web sites.

Whatever the motivation, you get child porn on your computer — and might not realize it until police knock at your door.

An Associated Press investigation found cases in which innocent people have been branded as pedophiles after their co-workers or loved ones stumbled upon child porn placed on a PC through a virus. It can cost victims hundreds of thousands of dollars to prove their innocence.

Their situations are complicated by the fact that actual pedophiles often blame viruses — a defense rightfully viewed with skepticism by law enforcement.

Article continues here.

battery bunny

I always thought the Energizer Bunny was such a clever concept. However, when I moved to Australia, I learned that the pink bunny so familiar in America is actually a ripoff of a much older marketing promotion in Commonwealth countries -- the Duracell Bunny -- which predates the American campaign by decades.

I was almost as disappointed as when I found out the Easter Bunny wasn't real. Talk about shattered illusions.

the death of celebrity?

I may be 10,000 miles from the US, but I do try to keep up on American pop culture. To stay in the thick of things, I surf the various Hollywood gossip webpages.

Which led me to ponder the other day: is the celebrity dead?

Entertainment gossip pages are full of the likes of Hailey Glassman and Levi Johnston.

Excuse me, but when (and why) did such people become celebrities?

Hailey Glassman's only claim to fame is she's sleeping with someone who appeared on a cable TV reality show.

Levi Johnston's only claim to fame is he slept with the daughter of a vice-presidential candidate.

Neither of them has a shred of talent in their own right. They only stepped very briefly into the penumbra of another person's fleeting window of fame.

I wonder if people like Tom Cruise or Julia Roberts are pissed off about this. When was the last time you saw any celebrity coverage on them like Johnston and Glassman are getting?

Andy Warhol said in 1968: "In the future, everyone will be world-famous for 15 minutes."

Welcome to the future. It's not very pretty.

the degenerate dictionary

Some definitions from The Degenerate Dictionary of various sexual acts and activities, primarily from the male perspective:

The Stranger--Sitting on your hand until it falls asleep and then jerking off, eliciting the feeling of a hand job from someone else.

Coyote--This occurs when you wake up in the room of a nasty woman and you know you’ve got to give her the slip. However, you realize that your arm is wrapped around her. Therefore you must gnaw off your own arm to get out of the situation. Can be very painful.

Dog in a Bathtub--This is a proper name for when you attempt to insert your nuts into a girl’s ass. It is so named because it can be just as hard as keeping a dog in the tub while giving it a bath.

The Fish Eye--From behind, you shove your finger in her ass, thereupon she turns around in a one-eyed winking motion to see what the hell you are doing. At that point, you have received a "fish eye."

If you're familiar with The Degenerate Dictionary, you'll probably realize these are the least outrageous definitions.

grabbing love by the balls

I found this on Tumblr. I have no idea who wrote it, but it touched me. Whoever wrote it reminds me of my husband, who was absolutely determined he would not let me slip through his grasp.

It's not the most eloquent writing in the world, and the screamer caps make it a bit difficult to read. It could be burnished a good deal more. The sentiments, however, are worthy. If you have trouble reading it, click on it to see a larger version,

prisoner of love hnt

I think this is my first bondage-themed Half-Nekkid Thursday shot. Darling Husband bought these for me a gift, and they're so much more convenient than using scarves. The feel of the cold metal on my bare skin is a nice turn-on, too.

Sometimes he pretends he's a cop, puts me in handcuffs, then searches me in a very inappropriate manner. Given he has lots of experience as an MP, he can be quite stern and authoritative.

bdsm barbie

From the same folks who brought you Streetwalker Barbie, just in time for holiday gifts, it's BDSM Barbie.

Accessories include a tiny cat o' nine tails, alligator nipple clips, and a pink strappado. After a session of rough play, BDSM Barbie will beg you to stuff her in a dark box to be hidden where no one can hear her screams. Master Ken sold separately.

how not to screw like a porn star

Salon has a new article up on their website titled "How Not to Make Love Like a Porn Star," subtitled "Hey, Guys: Are Adult Films Making You Bad at Sex?"

Some good excerpts from the article: "Thinking you can learn to make love to a woman from watching porn is like thinking you can learn to drive from watching The Fast and the Furious."

And later the author talks about a "friend mentioned a man she'd been dating, whose erotic repertoire included withdrawing his member at key moments to thump it on her. After puzzling over it with friends, she finally figured out: It's a porn move."

She also discusses a "gentleman I went home with once, who spent the entire time watching himself in the mirror. He did not have sex with me. He had sex on me."

On the whole, I think it's a good article, but I do disagree with some of her points. She mentions, for example, a study that found most women don't think anal is sexy. That may be true of the study, but that's just because most men don't know how to please a woman with anal sex. It certainly can be done (but, in keeping with the article's thesis, how do men go about learning that?).

She also discusses a variation on the "standing 69," apparently eschewing athletic sex. Again, if it's done right, it can be very hot. Ditto with mirrors: what she experienced was terrible, but a mirror can also be a very, very erotic, as I once wrote in this blog. Our tiny bedroom has a large mirror which gets good use, but of course we both use it simultaneously.

I don't know how many men with whom the article's writer has slept, but one personal observation I realized not that long ago might be relevant: the men with whom I slept who were the best lovers tended to watch little or no porn.

Conversely, I've never had any complaints about my sexual technique, yet I've watched a lot of porn. I wonder if I learned too much from what I saw on screen?

Dr. Spock -- vulcan and erotic photographer

I did not know, until reading an article on the Los Angeles Times website that Leonard Nimoy was a well known photographer. I found these very interesting erotic images on his website.

clever marketing?

If you're not having wood problems, this is funny. But if you are, is it still?

I'm guessing this is marketed more at physicians and not patients. After all, if you're having a woman over and she sees your lightswitch, that might kill the magic. I don't know too many guys who'd want to advertise they had problems getting it up.