backdoor teen mom

A few weeks ago, I wrote about Farrah Abraham and her quest to stoop lower than any other reality "star" to date. To recap, she has been attempting to claw her way to infamy by peddling a fake stolen "celebrity" sex tape in which she appears. The video in question was not stolen but something she funded herself, which included hiring a well known male pornstar.

She has now sold her little masterpiece to major porn company Vivid for nearly $1 million. The forthcoming video will be released under the title Farrah Superstar: Backdoor Teen Mom.

No word yet if she actually takes it up the pooper, but her father helped her in the negotiations. That fact alone warrants a great big "ewwwww." How many women would want their father included in talks to sell an anal sex tape? Show of hands please. At least we know now from whom Farrah inherited the shameless whoring gene.

In reporting this story, the media has revealed that Abraham also attempted to recruit a fake boyfriend so that she might appear on another "reality" show called Couples Therapy. She did not make the casting cut.

I would not be surprised if the whole "reality" TV industry now treats this woman like the poison she is. I have to imagine they're already swamped by wannabe media whores beating down their doors, begging to be cast, but they must at least attempt to make it seem somewhat real. Hiring such an incessant media whore would suggest a certain desperation for "talent."

Time will tell if I'm wrong, but I suspect this woman's only future from this point forward is porn. If she's halfway good on the tape, she could carve out a career for herself. After all, porn producers peddle middle age women as "teens" so an actual teen should be able to get a decade or two of work before her sphincter is completely ruined. And she'd also get the idolization she so desperately craves -- a big pornstar is arguably more famous than a D-list wannabe "reality" star.

Porn will always ride a trend (he he) into the proverbial ground, so I wouldn't be surprised if we soon see Farrah in titles like Superstar Cum Queen and Anal Gonzo Superstar. If she actually has a sense of humor, she would let herself appear in movies like Shameless Anal Superwhore.

the wisdom of mae west

I found some interesting Mae West quotes that I used on my Tumblr (and also now here) that made me want to know more about her. I knew who she was, of course, but not much about her background and life.

You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.

She was not a particularly huge talent but she was extremely wise about how to promote herself, to the point where she was the highest earning star for a while in Hollywood. She also didn't break into movies until her later thirties, which is far past the time when most stars are discovered. Far ahead of her time in terms of women's rights, she also amassed a fortune in real estate.

I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it.

I don't think she was a raving beauty, but she more than made up for her looks by dialing up the sex appeal. She knew how to walk the fine line just at the edge of censorship.

Sex is emotion in motion.

What really struck me is that she perfected the character of Mae West that transcended whatever movie in which she appeared. She didn't just play a role in movies; she played Mae West, who appeared in numerous movies. She was almost like a comic who creates a character and then uses him or her in various movies and TV shows, so in that respect she was far ahead of her time.

Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly.

She also must've been quite accomplished sexually. She took quite a few men as lovers who were much younger than her and all very attractive. Yes, they probably used her somewhat to elevate their own profiles, but hopefully they had a good time, too, in the process.

It's not the men in my life that count; it's the life in my men.

newborns versus babies

Before my son was born, I used to think that babies past four or five months or so were much cuter and more fun than newborns only a few weeks or months old. In my pre-motherhood eyes, newborns always seemed to sleep and weren't very interactive.

Once I had my own kid, my attitude changed somewhat. Newborns turned out to be much more interactive than I thought. And they certainly don't always sleep.

Nonetheless, now that Joey is five months old, I have to admit that having a no-longer-newborn baby is more fun. They are really interactive. I loved him unconditionally since before he was born, but I find each new day is more exciting than the last.

I once thought I wasn't cut out for motherhood. I wish I could send that former me a fax -- hey birdbrain, you couldn't be more wrong!

fake space alien?

I have seen several news items in the last few days about a new documentary Sirius on the life of Steven Greer, a medical doctor and UFO conspiracist. The film supposedly features information about an alleged mummified space alien found in South America, which is pictured below. The purported creature is about six inches long.

A quick internet search turned up more than a few Greer fans as well as many detractors who think he's a huckster. When you're dealing with UFOs, I guess you invite both passion and ridicule.

The instant I saw the photo, I thought it was a fake (right click to see a larger size). You can also see another shot here. The "bones," particularly in the ribs and hands, look like something crafted by a jewelry maker. Tiny bones aren't just crude tubes. The visceral part of the creature lacks any defined shapes, unlike most other mummies -- it looks more like it was dabbed onto the fabricated bone structure. No word if this thing has been tested by any expert outside of Greer's fold.

All of this aside, the architecture of the whole critter looks like it was influenced by Hollywood scifi artists. Of all the possible creatures an alien could resemble -- a ladybug or a bat or a crab -- why does it look any awfully lot like something seen on an old episode of Outer Limits?

Color me skeptical.

mars rover draws giant penis

It seems one of the Mars rovers is getting a bit horny. As you can see below, the mobile robot has been drawing giant dick pictures on the red plant surface.

Is this some kind of sex ad for the cosmos? Is the rover male, trying to lure a mate with this bit of artistic exaggeration? Or is it female and doodling what she desperately wants?

I believe Mars has some kind of seasonal winds, so perhaps that will eventually erase this bit of extraterrestrial graffiti. Otherwise, future visitors from other galaxies might wonder about the maturity of our civilization, given it looks like we send spacecraft to other planets in order to doodle porn.

shocking photo

I was reading a news item about the Boston bombing that contained a link to an uncensored photograph showing a man named Jeff Bauman, the very pale and bloodied victim being rushed in a wheelchair to medical care. You probably already saw some of the censored ones of him that I have seen that are cropped mid-thigh. They were in all the newspapers here and also online editions of US and UK papers I saw online.

The webpage contained a warning that the image was extremely graphic and uncensored. So I knew better. I knew I shouldn't click the link because it probably was horrifying. But I didn't heed my impulse control and click through anyway.

Now I'm very sorry I did. The uncensored image was so much worse than I could have imagined. It's truly a miracle the poor man lived. His legs were absolutely shredded. And now I can't get that picture out of my mind. How someone could willingly set that bomb, knowing what it might do to someone. Whoever is convicted for this killing should spend the rest of his or her life locked in a cell with the most graphic photos of his crime projected on the walls to see every day for the rest of his or her life.

This is not the first time I've clicked through to pictures in news stories that had an extremely graphic warning. I knew I would be horrified but I went ahead and clicked anyway. Now, months and even years later, I still remember two of the pictures in particular.

The mind is a curious creature the way it can acid etch some images and memories into the cerebral marble. When I see shocking images like that, I know I could never be a doctor or nurse or emergency worker. Bless the people who can. They look past the horror and the hurt and the damage and see how they might help and heal the person.

Humanity has achieved so many lofty highs, from the Sistine Chapel to the moon landing to the many miracles of modern medicine. Yet at the same time humanity continues to master ways to murder and main our fellow humans. As technology grows more advanced, so too does mayhem advance at the same pace. Presumably both cycles will continue for many centuries more.

As a species, we truly are our own worst enemy, which I imagine is quite uncommon in the animal kingdom.

disadvantage point

The husband and I watched a DVD last night of a 2008 action triller called Vantage Point. Neither of us had seen it and the movie had a 6.6 rating on IMDb, so we were expecting some harmless entertainment.

While the film had some superb chase sequences, the story had more plot holes than a truck full of Swiss cheese and was obviously poorly researched. The plot involves an attempted presidential assassination, but anyone who has ever read anything about the Secret Service in the newspaper would see the many story errors.

I've never met a Secret Service agent but I've read some about how they work. They construct a complete, sealed multi-layered bubble around the President wherever he goes. They are much more than just bodyguards. Yet the Secret Service in Vantage Point operated more like their counterparts from, say, 1935.

A President is allowed to step to a podium where a bomb has been placed inside it yet no one checked it beforehand? I don't think so. A President speaks to a large crowd of people while a drape flutters in an open window above him and none of the Secret Service noticed that window before hand? I don't think so. A President steps out of a limousine in a public area where angry protesters are directly in front of him and then walks into a structure? I don't think so. But in the world of Vantage Point, all this happens and much more.

One should be able to suspend disbelief when watching a movie. When it seems like it was researched by a slow-witted fourth-grader, that is not possible. The carelessness here could easily have been remedied with some preparation and a tighter script.

debt-free dominatrix

I don't know if the graphic below is really true, but it very well could be. I know a lot of people are strangled by a chokehold of debt. I know some of them, and I'm sure you do, too. I've known them long enough to see their lives, with time, get sucked into the spiral of increasing debt.

I have always avoided debt like I have always avoided drugs. The drawbacks seemed to outweigh any possible rewards. When I first went out on my own, I was too young to get any kind of credit, even though I was a legally emancipated adult at the age of sixteen. So I had to learn to pay my way as I went along. I started saving a portion of my earnings immediately and have always added to that.

Eventually I got some credit cards, but I always paid off the balance each month. Always. I thought of credit as an emergency, last-resort backup if I couldn't use my savings for some reason, like a health or personal safety emergency.

My husband is a wise man in many ways, but that wisdom did not extend to credit. When we married, he turned his financial dealings over to me and I've handled them ever since. His debt was paid off and he's been kept on an allowance ever since. He's perfectly willing to let me run the money part of our marriage and turns all of his earnings over to me immediately.

Just say "no" to debt. Seriously. It's like your wallet on crack.

what would HRH say?

This is a photo by Alison Jackson. If you're familiar with her work, you know she sometimes manipulates images to make a statement. She is known to use convincing lookalikes, so anytime a celebrity seems to appear in one of her photos, you can't be exactly sure if that person is real.

That aside, let's assume for the moment that this is real. Phil was busted ogling naked Marilyn Monroe. Or at least what appears to be a naked Marilyn.

Because I'm incessantly inquisitive, I end up wondering what HRH Bess would say or think or do if she saw this. Is she a shrewish wife who uses any chance she can get to browbeat her husband. "Honestly, Philip, what were you thinking -- and with a photographer right behind you!"

Or does she gently tease her husband about it? "Philip, try not to drool in public next time luv."

Or would she utterly pretend she had never seen it; it would go completely unmentioned by her both in and out of his presence?

I'm thinking the last one would be the right answer. Bess seems very Victorian to me, so while she may be the queen, she probably has those old fashioned ideas that a woman does not question her husband.

potentially gross yuppie trend

The New York Times had a very interesting article on Thursday about "hip" parents who advocate "diaperless" childrearing. Instead of diapering your baby, they advocate training the kid to go over a sink or toilet, even if only a few weeks old. They freely admit there are a lot of accidents.

Parents at one meeting advocating this practice exchanged "tips like how to get a baby to urinate on the street between parked cars." Another parent recalls seeing a parent allowing her child to go in a corner at a party.

Now supposedly these parents are driven by ecological concerns. So how is it better for the environment to allow your kid to pee in the street like a Doberman? Or crap in a sink where someone else may wash his or her hands before preparing food?

My kid wears cloth diapers outside the house. Always. At home, after a bath, I let him pee in the water, because he always does so when I take him out to dry. But that's a far cry from pissing in the street like a derelict.

I guess I'm not qualified to be a yuppie.

a tangle called reddit

I looked in on reddit.com several times while online this past week to see what kind of interesting stuff they might have about the Boston Marathon bombing. I did see one very clear picture of a prime suspect well before it appeared in the mainstream media. That demonstrates how crowdsourcing can supplement the "real" media for up-to-the-second news.

At the same time, I noticed that, as usual, reddit.com is cluttered with an amazing amount of digital flotsam. One of the top items as I type this is "Shiba puppy playing with a pool of water" and another is "Aww, there's a girl proposing to a guy in the bathroom!"

This is competing with major news of global importance?

This could be excused if reddit.com were a mostly volunteer site like 4chan, but reddit.com is owned by the same multi-billion-dollar media empire that includes Vogue magazine and the Discovery Channel, among many holdings.

reddit.com doesn't seem to have much advertising, so I don't exactly understand why a corporate entity would want to own it. But now that they do, I'd think they'd organize it a bit more efficiently somehow.

I'm sure this sounds like heresy to reddit.com addicts, but if the site owners want to grow their audience and make it more attractive to a wide group of users, I would think some modification would be a wise investment. I can't see that the site would be too inviting to those who are not already long-time users.

FWIW, I think reddit.com is a much better site than 4chan. That seems to be dominated by porn-obsessed adolescents. But I still prefer the massive forums at sites like City Data when you need more comprehensive information.

baby has rhythm

When Joey is in his bouncy seat with no or low-rhythm music playing, he only rocks slightly. But when I put on some music with a real clear, driving rhythm, he'll really get the bouncy going like crazy as he kicks his feet in sync with the music.

He does this all by himself, even if I'm not in the room. He also will break into a wide smile when this happens. He seems to particularly dig bossa nova. No one taught him to do this by bouncing his seat to music -- he does it all on his own.

Does this mean he'll be a musician? Or maybe just one of those kids who play really loud music that drives everyone else crazy.

pussy shaver strikes again

A news headline here in Australia screams "Pussy Shaver Strikes Again." The first sentence reads "A Palmerston woman has lashed out at the strangers who keep shaving her pussy."

Wait, it's not what you think. A woman's pet cat Cleo comes home shaved by some unknown neighbor. It's not the first time it's happened. She's angry, as she is right to be. "I wish whoever did it would own up and tell me the problem they have," she says.

It also helps to know that "pussy" is generally not used to indicate a female bit of anatomy here Down Under. A pussy is a creature who catches mice and says "meow."

Still, I think the headline writer knew that this might cause more than a few titters overseas.

And, really, the poor cat.

too big

Popular culture tells us that women are more attracted to well hung men, but in my opinion that's a myth largely perpetrated by men. Some men think they're too small, but in my experience men obsess about this far more than women.

I saw the picture below while hunting for images to put on my Tumblr. Yes he's huge and, no, as a woman, I wouldn't want something that big inside of me. When I was single I always appreciated a man who was above average, but a world-record dong is not my idea of a good time.

Far better to have a man who is a bit undersized but knows how to turn you on than a well hung one who is only interested in getting his rocks off and leaving.

the celebrity sex tape is dead

New York magazine and The Week magazine both have new pieces up (here and here) about the death of the celebrity sex tape. Or perhaps that should be called the death of the wannabe-celebrity sex tape. I love how the one article refers to them as "marginally famous people."

The apparent final end to this annoying trend has come courtesy of reality TV "star" Farrah Abraham who hired a professional pornstar and porn company to make a video which she planned to leak as a stolen "sex tape" in order to kickstart her career, stealing a page from other media whores like Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian.

Abraham tried all sorts of denials and threatened litigation but was cut off at the pass by the male appearing in her tape who freely admitted he was hired and had never met her until the shoot itself. Serves her right.

I hope one day soon the popularity of the whole "reality" TV industry and its little celeblets will implode over just a few months into a wad of has-been nothingness, something like the end of Tulipmania in the 1600s. These people are sucking attention away from the truly talented as well as important public issues that should be commanding more attention.

are muscular men sexist?

According to a recent University of Westminster study, the more muscular a man, the more likely he has sexist beliefs and a hostility toward women.

Another current University of Westminster study found that the more sexist a man, the more attracted he is to big boobs.

The problem with these "more likely" surveys is that they turn a continuum into a binary yes/no: if you're muscular, you must be a boob-obsessed sexist asshat.

I've known flabby men who like small tits and are rampant sexists. I've known men, like my husband, who are very muscular but not sexist nor attracted to balloon breasts. And then there are the non-sexist muscular men who are fascinated by massive boobies.

So what really is the point of studies like these, other than to make work for some people? And, more importantly, who is providing the money for them?

I imagine they evaluate a man's sexism by giving him some kind of question-and-answer test. "Would you feel threatened if your wife or girlfriend made more money than you?" A clever sexist might say "no" when he really means "yes" but doesn't want to look like a douchebag. A dimwitted sexist might say "no" because he likes the idea of a big-titted woman keeping him in cash. A sexist pencil-neck geek might say "no" because he's hoping to date the cute girl asking him the questions.

if we were jupiter's moon

Someone made up a photo essay that's now being posted all over the internet showing what it would look like if our moon was replaced by any of the planets. Mercury would be about the same size, while of course Jupiter or Saturn would totally dominate the sky. And, we would be Jupiter's moon, not the other way around.

Putting aside for a moment that replacing the moon with another planet is all but impossible (never say never), I'd think that might seriously mess up our gravity to be a moon of a monster like Jupiter. Imagine our high and low tides. Be anywhere close to the ocean would be fatal. Wouldn't it also mean that our planet would spin like crazy, thus making us all that much heavier?

That might make an interesting sci-fi story, about earth people learning of an inhabited moon of a giant planet in another solar system and attempting to visit. Earthlings would have gravity sickness. Our two cultures would strive to connect, but physics would end up putting us on warring sides.

In its original size, the photo below is almost large enough to be a screensaver, so right click to save if you want.

as dumb as a stump

I had lunch recently with a friend who is also a new mom. While most of our conversation dealt with babies and the like, we did talk some about sex and men.

The topic wandered into a discussion of men we had slept with before we were married. She said she wouldn't sleep with a man who wasn't both hot and intelligent, while I had a lower standard. As long as he was hot, I'd give him a whirl.

She said she wouldn't have slept with Ryan Lochte while I said I would. He seems as dumb as a stump, but he's physically very fit and allegedly quite the stud in bed. So what if he couldn't hold up his end of the conversation even if he had cue cards?

Back in Vegas, I had one "friend with benefits" who had to be one of the dumbest men I ever met. He worked as a bouncer, which doesn't take any particular skills other than looking formidable. He spent most of his free time working out, watching TV, or chasing after women. He was a lot of fun in bed and that's all I needed him for. If I wanted an interesting conversationalist, I knew not to call him.

I would not marry a stupid hot man, though. An hour of hot sex with a man as dumb as a box of rocks is fine. The rest of your life is definitely not.

cartoon porn

At the risk of sound like some kind of philistine, I don't get cartoon porn. I'm not talking about satirical still images or artsy anime. I'm talking about fully animated porn that goes on for fifteen or twenty minutes or more featuring a scene of drawn characters copulating.

What's the point? This kind of thing obviously takes time and money to produce, but it seems so pointless to me. It's mildly amusing for a minute or two, but not beyond that. Once you've seen one selection, you've pretty much seen them all. I would think even animation aficionados would find it lacking.

It's certainly not erotic, unless maybe you're nine years old. I think cartoons are inherently not erotic, so there's no way you can turn the proverbial sow's ear into a silk purse.

circling the drain

These are shots I found online of a man-made creation in a lake in Vöcklabruck, Austria (right click to see in a larger size). You walk into this semi-submerged structure designed so it seems like you're standing in the middle of a lake without getting wet.

I wonder if you actually feel like that, or do you feel like a bug drowning in a toilet?

If this pond freezes in winter, I hope someone covers this. Otherwise, if you're iceskating and you don't know it's there, that could be very painful.

the pirate's eyepatch

I always thought pirates wore eyepatches because they had lost an eye in some bloody brawl. Turns out that's flat-out wrong, according to this little item I stumbled upon.

Pirates wore eyepatches so they could easily adjust their eyesight when traveling from the bright sunny deck to the near-dark below deck. Because the eye can take as much as 25 minutes to adjust from light to dark, that blindness could seriously hamper any pirate caught up in a heated swordfight below. But by switching the patch from one eye to the other when going below, the pirate's eyesight was instantly adjusted to the dark.

Something to remember the next time you're mixing it up at sea with armed brigands.

I was joking

Based on some of the comments that continue to come in on my April 1 entry discussing how I purportedly discovered my husband likes wearing women's underwear, some people apparently forgot what day that was -- April Fools' Day.

I was joking. There was no women's underwear. I never found anything in the closet. He never had to confess to anything.

This is not the first time I've done this, and it seems every April Fools' Day someone doesn't realize the date (although others do). Last year I posted how we planned to give our baby away -- not true! -- and the year before I posted about how I discovered my husband in bed with another man -- not true!

The year before that I showed off a picture of my "new" tattoo -- not true! And the first year of this blog I wrote that my husband and I had joined a celebacy cult -- not true!

Be forewarned: I'm already planning ahead for next year's April Fools' Day.

topless jihad

Amina is a Tunisian woman who recently created an international stir after she posted topless photos of herself on the Internet to protest Islam's treatment of women. In one photo, she scrawled on her naked torso in Arabic: ""My body belongs to me, and is not the source of anyone's honor."

Since then, she has gone into hiding after receiving numerous death-by-stoning threats, including one made by a prominent cleric quoted in the media by name. "The young lady should be punished according to sharia, with 80 to 100 lashes, but (because of) the severity of the act she has committed, she deserves be stoned to death," he said.

She is right to be outraged and she deserves equal rights, as do all women. At the same time, I wonder if she's going about this in the wrong way. She's arguably waving the proverbial red flag in front of the bull, who could use her actions as an excuse to repress women even further. She is, to men of her country, a symbol of what happens if women are given freedom. Deny them freedom, and they won't be a "problem" like this.

Alternatively, I wonder if an approach like the "driving women protest" in Saudia Arabia would be more effecive. In that country, women are prohibited from driving. But some do it on the down low, dressing to hide their gender and then publishing their driving photos online. The hard-core extremists are outraged but most of the world supports the women.

Amina's plight has ignited support protests through various corners of the world, with some attended by women who are also topless. The picture below shows a protest and arrests in Rome. I imagine the police had no shortage of male volunteers when told they'd have to grab women around their naked chests.

girls who squirt

The Frisky recently ran a piece on the "Six Myths About [Female] Squirting."

I have a sense that the only people who really worry about squirting are men who watch too much porn and women who read too many sex advice columns. I get wet, like most women, and I gush, but I don't believe I squirt. No man has never told me as much, and at the same time, no man has ever complained about my performance. The husband certainly hasn't.

Personally, I have always perfectly enjoyed my orgasms, so I don't feel unfulfilled because I don't erupt. I don't recall ever talking to another woman who expressed any concern about squirting.

And, of course, most if not all of what you see in porn is fake. The woman is either pissing or she's squirting out water put in her vagina specifically to fake the squirt.

the UFOs are missing

Aeon magazine has a new piece up about how the number of reported UFO and ghost sightings have declined significantly in recent years. The author -- who claims to have once seen a UFO himself -- attributes the alleged witness drop-off rate to a increasingly cynical and more educated populace.

That makes sense to me. People still believe all kinds of hair-brained things, but apparently less of them do. Where people once were more likely to suspend disbelief, our mass media culture has made us far less gullible, with some lingering exceptions. As a society, we don't escape into the fantasy of a paranormal like we once did.

Given the number of his pop culture references in the piece, I found it curious that the author did not touch on the fact that people may still wish they could believe. Proof for that is seen in the significant increase in escapist paranormal and scifi entertainment, evidenced in just one example by the endless supply of vampire franchises -- movies, TV shows, novels, and more.

Arguably, far fewer people believe in the paranormal, but a lot more wish they could and are happy to shed their cyncical shells for at least a few hours.

incredible luck?

I keep all my important new files on a thumb drive that I semi-regularly back up to hard disks and other thumbs. New pictures, recent writings, random thoughts, my journal entries, stuff I plan to post here -- you name it. All my essential goodies.

I realized last night I had not backed it up in a while. Other things had kept me occupied. I checked the date when I last did it, and it was much longer ago than I remembered. So I backed it up right away to all the regular places.

Not even a minute after I had done my backups, my primary thumb crashed. There was no way to save the data. The thumb itself was still usable if I reformatted it, but all the files were gone. Had I not just backed it up, all that stuff would've been lost.

My guardian angel was certainly watching out for me.

Now I don't really believe in actual luck luck. Life is an obstacle course running through an infinite series of random events. If you don't run over a nail piercing your tire, someone else will.

The Husband, however, is a big believer in luck and fate and destiny. He has long said that he thinks I'm an incredibly lucky person.

To believe that, I guess his Irish genes are stronger than mine. I do have to admit, however, that there are times in my life when an incredible stroke of good luck has worked in my favor. But I still think it's totally random.

anger management

This video is an amusing contrast between extreme anger and extreme calm. Apparently there was a car accident and that's why Mr. Zen just doesn't leave. I pity the woman paired with Mr. Outrage. You can do better, honey, you really can.

pretty and deadly

The New York Times has a short but fascinating article about dragonflies. The super slow-motion videos included with the piece are absolutely spectacular. If you don't read it, at least look at the videos. You'll be glad you did.

In the story itself, the bit about their sex life was very interesting. I'm glad human males don't try to do that sperm thing. That sounds painful for the female.

I did not know that dragonflies have such big heads, which look almost human in certain profiles. A clever horror writer could do an updated twist on The Fly a la The Dragonfly, with a human/insect clone.

why oh why

It is a complete mystery why a beautiful woman would want to disfigure herself like this. By choosing trite and commonplace tattoos, she's like a walking cliche.

The garter thing has been done to death by pornstars and strippers while the two pistols is straight out of East Los Angeles Gangsta culture. What an eyesore.

mystery panties

Yesterday, I was cleaning out one of the closets in the bedroom at the house where we're the caretakers. I came upon a small box toward the bottom I didn't recognize. It was with our stuff, and I had totally cleaned out that closet about a year ago so we could use it, so I knew it had to be ours.

I opened it and discovered it was filled with pairs of women's panties -- really nice stuff, satin and fine lace. I knew they weren't mine because I had never seen them before, plus they were far too big.

So I asked my husband when he came home, "whose panties are these?"

He had a really sheepish face and was blushing something fierce. My heart dropped when I thought he might say they belonged to some other woman. I'm close to positive my husband would never cheat on me, but I was prepared to be shocked.

"They're mine, kitten," he finally said. "Sometimes I like to wear pretty girl panties under my jeans."

I thought he was joking at first, but when I looked closer at the panties, I realized he was telling the truth. The crotch on several were strained from a man's junk and a few had what looked like small cum stains.

Everything started to fall into place. There had been times in the past where I would try to stick my hand down his jeans or squeeze his package and he got very defensive and pulled away. Normally he loves when I do that, but now I realize why -- it was because he was wearing girl panties under his pants.

My husband is 6'3", can bench press hundreds of pounds, and has shoulders and arms like a gorilla. The idea of him wearing a woman's frilly panties suddenly struck me as very funny and I burst out laughing.

He was very hurt by that and just broke down. He confessed he's been trying to tell me his about his secret fetish ever since we met, hoping that I would be understanding, and my laughing just crushed him. I apologized because it's no real big deal to me. I know he's not gay. It's just a little kink he has.

Today, without my asking him to, he burned all his panties in the back yard. It turns out he had quite a few other boxes hidden throughout the house. Now I know where the money has been going that I give him.

I really feel terrible about this. As long as I don't see him in the panties, it doesn't bother me. So he could keep on wearing them if it makes him happy. But when I try to bring it up, he just walks out of the room.

I'm not at my wit's end about what to do. I'm thinking maybe I'll buy him a very nice pair of pretty panties in his size to show I accept his little hobby.