right dress, wrong woman

I think this is an incredibly beautiful dress. I also believe it's totally wrong for her. She looks like she's playing "dress up" in one of her mother's outfits.

This is a femme fatale gown, and I don't think Miley Cyrus is femme fatale material by any stretch of the imagination. Maybe when she's 35 but not now. She's also on the short side, and this dress would look best on a tall woman. I'm taller than Cyrus and I don't think I'd try to wear this.

I wonder if she saw this at a designer's private presentation, modeled by a taller woman. Her eighteen-year-old eyes lit up, dying to be all-woman and seen as an adult, not the former child star. So she jumped at this, not realizing she wouldn't look like the model.

I'm always amazed by women who buy an outfit or try a hairstyle they see on a woman who looks nothing like them and with a completely different body, thinking maybe they'll somehow magically transform themselves with the new look. It never works.

The backdrop for this photo also does not help one bit. You'd think MTV would be a little more results aware and select something that wasn't so busy.

email from the FBI

Every day I check my personal email box and also peek in the spam folder just to make sure no legitimate messages landed there.

Invariably, I get at least one -- and usually two or more -- fake emails claiming to be from the FBI or the director, Robert Mueller. I rarely look at them but, when I do, their content is always very similar -- some variation of the Nigerian bank email scam.

I imagine 99.99 percent of these emails are sent by virus-infected computers. They just keep perpetuating themselves ad nauseum.

You have to wonder if anyone still falls for these scams, considering the sheer mass and number of them that have been sent over such a long period. They're a cousin to similar emails scams -- the alleged military officer who has found money in Iraq, the alleged cancer victim who needs to get money to the west for treatment, and so forth. Who doesn't receive dozens of these a week?

Presumably some suckers are still out there, because new variations on the scam keep cropping up. Lately I've been receiving spam written in either Chinese or Japanese. Perhaps they're come-ons informing me of some vast fortune within my grasp. Ah, if only I spoke the language.

fantastically surreal

These wonderful photo assemblages are by the Russian artist Vladimir Fedot. I love how he combines the erotic with steampunk with fantasy with everything from Salvador Dali to Rembrandt. I had a difficult time selecting only a few images to display. You can see hundreds more beautiful samples of his work here.

come play with us

I love both the novel and the movie version of The Shining, but I don't know how to react to this picture. It's intriguing but also creepy. I don't find it at all erotic. I found it on Tumblr so I don't know the source. Hopefully it's not a still from one of those porn parody movies.

in love with my hard drive

Last week I went shopping for a portable hard drive. Back in the US I had one that held 100GB and was nearly the size of a hardback book.

I was dumbfounded at how much portable drives have improved. The prices have dropped significantly, too, while the speed is much faster. I snapped up a 1TB portable hard drive on sale for $75 Australian, which converts to about $80 American.

What amazes me most of all is the tiny little size. My new 1TB is hardly bigger than a pack of cards. It also does not use a separate power source, unlike my last drive. One little USB pigtail plugged into the laptop or desktop is all I need. It connects as fast as a little thumb drive and I can carry the thing in my purse.

Now I can store even more tons of photos, music, porn, whatever. I love this little thing so much. It needs a cute name but I haven't figured one out yet.

Sometimes little really is better.

The salesman who sold it to me was very cute, too. He spent about twenty minutes combing through their inventory to get me a box that had not been opened. (I'm very picky about that.) He blushed when I told him it would hold all my porn collection.

a big bad (or good) sex question

I've been reading this interesting blog written by a woman who writes porn professionally.

One of her recent posts is built around the thesis that she doesn't want to know how many women that her lover took to bed before they met. She provides several legitimate reasons why she feels this way.

And then she asks: "Can anyone present a valuable argument for why someone’s past sexual exploits really matter?"

I may be the exception to the norm but I find that information exciting. All other things being equal, if a man has shagged five hundred women, I would be more attracted to him than if he had slept with only five different women.

Why? Because Mr. Five Hundred has had to work it. He's not afraid to take chances with women and has put himself out there many times. He's confident in the way he can proffer his sexual services. Not afraid of failing, he's a closer.

In contrast, Mr. Five is a risk avoider. He gets a woman into bed and he doesn't let her go. He's cautious and clings. Hence, he's sexually less confident -- he avoids going to bat out of fear he'll strike out.

Perhaps some (maybe most) women worry that a man with many past lovers cannot be monogamous. If so, my husband is an exception to that rule. We talk openly about the many women he once bedded but those days are over.

I never fail to find it exciting when he talks about his past conquests, although I do admit I have to draw these stories out of him. I've written before about how he once did some escorting. I love hearing about the rich women who bought his services. They had to pay a lot of money for what I get for free.

Maybe it's a little boost to my self-confidence in knowing that, of all the many women he shagged, he chose me. I am now his one and only forever. He took a bite out of all the pieces in the big candy box but decided I'm the one he wanted.

a walk in the woods hnt

We live on the south side of Sydney, very near Royal National Park, which is the second-oldest national park in the world after Yellowstone. We frequently visit the park, where there are many trails.

Some portions are quite woodsy, which surprised me when we first moved here, because I thought Australia was more arid. During a rest on a recent hike, the Husband took some pictures of me, including some naughty shots in a secluded area.

the heartless bitch's sex fail

Sometimes you just want to reach out through the internet and smack someone.

This woman, who writes on occasion at The Frisky, an R-rated webzine for girls, needs a good smack.

You can read her whole piece, which I've linked above. Here's the short version: she met a hot-looking guy who also is quite sensitive. They went on a PG-rated first date, then she got him into her bed on the second. In the middle of sex, she got somewhat bitchy and stopped. Then he just completely opened up emotionally about family issues. After he talked awhile and felt better, he was ready for the sex to continue and she froze him out. He was sent home the next morning without sex and she didn't see him again.

What a heartless bitch. He sounds like a really sweet, sensitive guy and very easy on the eyes. And she just crushed him like a bug.

She's so self-oriented she wouldn't realize that, after his emotional cathersis, he could've been primed for really mind-blowing sex.

It's women like her who make men hate us. Hopefully he's found a much better woman and has totally forgotten the bitch.

pranking kid trolls Kardashian wedding

If the fawning press coverage of media whore Kim Kardashian's wedding made you want to hurl, you'll enjoy this video. You don't even have to turn on the sound.

I wonder if Kardashian will stay married long enough for the four-hour televised special of her wedding slated for October? Gothamist has provided suitably snarky commentary about the whole fiasco.

I do not understand the attraction of this woman. She can't really be blamed, because without an audience she'd be Kim who? Then again she's utterly shameless and will do anything for a buck.

what asexuals reveal about sex

Salon has an intriguing article up now about asexual people and the role of sex and sexuality in their lives.

The term "asexual" itself might be a bit confusing because it doesn't involve "asexual reproduction," which is how creatures like amoebas propagate. Asexual people usually have clearly defined genders, but a person is considered asexual if he or she has no interest or desire for sex. Approximately one out of a hundred people are asexual.

My first impulse is to feel sorry for asexual people. They're getting no sex! Poor things! How horrible!

But that's what they want. There's a difference between asexuality and abstinance. If people don't desire sex, why should they be compelled into feeling they want it?

I imagine we're surrounded by asexual people but we don't even realize it. Think of single people you know who never seem to have a companion. They live happy lives alone. Both my husband and I have unmarried relatives like this. They never have a significant other nor seem to want one.

So if that's what they want, they should have that freedom. I'm tempted to say "but sex is fantastic; you don't know what you're missing!" But maybe many of them know exactly what they're missing and they just don't care.

peaceable kingdom

I recently discovered the wonderful portfolio of fine art photographer Rob Macinnis, a sample of whose work can be seen below. He shoots farm animals with the same style and technique as glamour and fashion photography.

He occasionally has to deal with some divas, just like with celebrity humans, as he revealed in a recent interview. "Once, a prima donna sheep got fed up with the photo shoot and stormed off the set," he said. "She was inconsolable and impossible to convince to return."

For many more samples of his work, visit his webpage and also see this article. The title for this entry, by the way, was an homage to Edward Hicks, the early American artist who painted group portraits of animals.

epic meal time

I'm told this is a massive popular YouTube channel in the US. This is what I get for moving to Australia. My cousin in the Marines told me that, in his unit, these videos are the second-most-popular things to watch online (next to porn).

I imagine the food doesn't actually taste that bad, particularly if you're hungry. I know when I'm hungry I can eat almost anything.

what if he thinks I'm a slut?

In light of my post the other day about women who derail the sexual train just as it's about to enter the station, a female reader wrote to me in an email "how do you let a man know you're interested in sex without seeming like a slut?"

Somewhat tongue in cheek, I might answer "so what's wrong with being a slut?"

In decades and centuries past, women worried about their sexual reputation because it could ruin their marriage prospects. If it got around the village square that the blacksmith's daughter was an easy yes, then no one would want to marry her. Without marriage, she faced a bleak financial future.

Those days are over. If a man is so worried about a woman because she doesn't resist heading into the bedroom, do you really want to be interested in someone so superficial? It sounds to me like me might have some sexual hangups.

Why don't women worry if men are "sluts" for wanting to get into bed? Why is it okay for men to think about getting laid constantly but women shouldn't? Really, that whole mindset of "nice girls don't" seems so 1950s to me.

So my answer would be, don't worry if he thinks you're a slut. Because if he does, he's not worth catching and keeping.

the water is wide hnt

I like this neon effect much better than last week's attempt.

This was shot last summer at the nude beach we visit occasionally, where there's an old World War II concrete structure that was meant to serve some unknown purpose if Australia was ever invaded.

I wonder what the workers way back then who built it would've thought of the fact that it would one day be a popular spot for nude sunbathing.

a forked tongue better for cunnilingus?

What you see below is medically known as tongue bifurcation, where the end of the tongue is split. It's a current fad among body modification enthusiasts and the procedure is said to be quite painful, as is the reversal process. Personally, I think it's moronic and somewhat gross, but I also believe people should have the freedom to do this if they want.

I do wonder what it would be like to receive cunnilingus from a man with a split tongue. People who've had the procedure can train their tongue to move in two different directions, as seen below. Would Mr. Forked make a better muff diver?

But then again, maybe he would no longer have sufficient strength in the tongue tip to do any good. It might just feel like a slug flailing around down there.

don't go down that road

I'd hate to see what kinds of merit badges they give out down there.

flirting versus teasing

The other day I ran into one of my husband's longtime friends, an unmarried guy in his early forties. He was starting to date a woman the last time we saw him, so I asked him how that was going.

"It goes no more," he replied. He then briefed me on what had happened. He took the woman out on a half dozen or so dates and all seemed to be going well. On the last date, she seemed to be really turning up the heat. They ended up back at his place and made out for a while.

When all the signals seemed right, he made his big move. And she transformed into the Ice Queen of the Arctic. She told him in so many words she wasn't going to bed with him, not then, not ever.

She soon left and, naturally, he was crushed. He's a very sweet guy, in better than decent shape, and nice looking with a full set of hair. So it's not like he was Gilbert Gottfried.

He lamented to me about how it's always so difficult for men to tell when she wants to go further and when she's just teasing. He asked why some women were like the Ice Queen, yanking men along and then opening a trap door right at the finish line.

I think the answer is that some women see their behavior as a persinal test. They have no intentions in going to bed, but they want to check if that could happen if they said yes. And in those moments of testing, they have significant power, whether they realize it or not. They hold all the proverbial cards.

I have to wonder if some women who act like this have self-esteem issues. They ultimately don't feel worthy somehow, but they're sort of testing themselves to see if maybe they're wrong. Once they demonstrate that, in fact, they are worthy of desire, they suddenly pull back out of fear. Their poor self-esteem told them he wouldn't desire them, and when that was proven wrong, they panic.

I suspect they also fear the rejection they perceive may be coming down the road. Sure he wants me now, but will he always want me? I'm just setting myself up for a rejection that's sure to come sooner or later. So bail out now before there's any pain.

I didn't have the heart to tell him that, if I were single, I would've fucked him on the first date.

the wisdom of age

This video is quite sweet. The woman, Keiko Fukuda, is 98 and was just awarded a tenth degree black belt in judo. She's the only surviving student of judo's founder.

snake on the car

Many of the comments on this video remark about the potential cruelity to the creature involved. Few people mentioned the careless driving.

They're tooling down the Interstate at 60 to 65, in the far left lane no less, merrily passing cars, and they're paying more attention to the little movie they're making than what's happening on the road. When the snake falls off, the driver crouches down so she can watch what happens in the rearview mirror instead of watching what she might crash into.

The safe driver would've pulled to the right, stopped, and waited for the critter to move on along. You didn't even have to get out of your car sweetie.

after sex blues

I'm reading a novel now where, after the narrator had hot sex on the kitchen counter, he said: "They say that all human beings are sad after sex. I believe that it is only men who experience the postcoital blues."

No mention of who the "they" doing the saying is here. That aside, a quick search on the internet seems to establish "they" are wrong. According to this recent survey, a third of women are glum after sex. That means two-thirds are perfectly happy, thank you very much.

Of the women I know well enough to discuss sex, I don't ever remember more than maybe two saying they experienced this. Sure, plenty said they weren't brought to orgasm, but they weren't blue because of that.

I don't recall any of my former male partners admitting they felt down after sex. Most of them either left or fell asleep, so I didn't have a chance to conduct any scientific surveys. That can be a bit of a downer if you whip out a clipboard and start firing off questions after he's shot his load.

I asked The Husband if this was common for men. "Never heard of it," he said. But then he added, "no man would ever admit to another man anyway."

neon hnt

This special effect is called "neon" in the photo editing software, but I think it looks more like something a black light or infrared would make. I don't have a stitch on here, so technically I'm not "half naked."

scuba sex

I'm nearly always ready for sex and I've done some scuba diving with my husband, but I have to say I have little interest in trying underwater shagging. Considering all the obstacles and impediments you'd have while trying to bonk underwater, I think this porn clip almost manages to pull it off. You can see a larger screen version of the same video here.

financial carnage

Like many people, we have a few investments in the market, both US and Australian. Fortunately most everthing was bought when the market was really low, much lower than it is now, so we haven't been as badly battered as others we know. If things don't drop too much more (ha), we'll still be in the black.

I was surprised to learn recently that only a tiny fraction of outstanding shares sell each day, even on heavy trading days when the market is taking a beating. That means the decisions of a very small percentage are battering the savings of everyone else.

Fortunately, everything we hold pays a very good dividend, and we "bought to hold." Yes, dividends can be cut, but we chose companies that have consistently maintained theirs for decades, despite the downturns. So we're battening down the hatches and riding this one out. Hopefully.

helicopter hair

I'm very intrigued by this style. I think I may try it for my next complete makeover. It looks really pratical and easy to care for, like it might only take a few seconds to get ready in the morning.

dream rangers

I thought this was funny and sweet and touching all at once. I love commercials that are inspirational like this, not just peddling crap. If you want to view at YouTube's page, click here.

man shacks up with lioness

A Ukrainian named Alexander Pylyshenko is spending five weeks locked in a cage with an adult lion and lioness and share raw meat with them while they eat. The lioness is also due to give birth during this period.

Apparently this guy has never heard of Siegfried & Roy and what happened when one of their big felines decided to snack on Roy Horn in front of a live audience. It's also pretty common knowledge that you never mess with a wild animal when her young are nearby.

And if you've ever played with a housecat, you know they can get pretty rough. Now imagine that housecat was 500 pounds. I rest my case.

barren beauty

There's so much to both love and hate about this image. It's by the brilliant fine art photographer Alex MacLean from his new book Las Vegas/Venice, which visually contrasts and compares the two cities dependant on water in vastly different ways. MacLean is internationally renowned for his hauntingly beautiful aerial photography and his latest book continues that tradition.

This was shot in October of 2009, after the real estate market in Vegas had completely imploded. The subprime mecca, Sin City is filled with developments like this plunked down in the middle of nowhere. Some remain unfinished or, if finished, almost entirely unoccupied.

Be sure to visit MacLean's webpage, where you can see more images like this. You can also click the shot below to see it larger and in much greater detail.

catnap hnt

I fell asleep while doing some topless sunbathing recently on an unseasonably warm day. The Husband couldn't resist snapping some photos and, without originally planning for it to be so, this one seemed a natural hnt. Thankfully this was not one of the catnaps were I inadvertently drooled.

yet another naked politician online

My cousin sent me this link about a New Jersey politician who has just resigned after naked pictures he sent on the internet became public. If you click through you can see a video report and a link to the photos in question.

Personally, I don't think the big issue here is the nude pictures. Really, so what, you can see a guy's cock. Gracious.

I think his sheer stupidity is what really matters. In this day and age, with politician after politician in both parties getting caught for stupid online antics, you'd think elected officials would learn not to put their hands on this hot stove. But they persist. Mr. Naked New Jersey apparently already has a pack of political opponents out for his hide, so you'd think he'd be extra double careful.

Someone who is dimwitted enough to think his or her naked internet pictures won't end up in public is not bright enough to be anybody's representative and make important decisions.

I think this pudgy middle-aged politician in particular earns double stupid points for thinking he was something hot to look at in his birthday suit. Did he really believe a woman would get all excited about his way average physique? His ego seems to have eaten away all his common sense.

J.Lo punked by 66-year-old dame

Sixtysomething Helen Mirren has been named "Celebrity Body of the Year" in a survey conducted of more than 2,000 people commissioned by the LA Fitness gym chain.

She handily beat Elle MacPherson, Kelly Brook, and Jennifer Lopez, among others. The 66-year-old Mirren apparently never had any cosmetic surgery, which has to make her victory all the sweeter. Most women half her age couldn't pull off a dress like the one seen below.

If I live to 66, I want to look just like her. And in all fairness, J.Lo looks pretty damned great for 42.

burglar turned into viagra sex slave

In Russia recently, Viktor Jasinski allegedly burgled Olga Zajac's hair salon.

Rather than let him obscond with her valuables, however, karate blackbelt Olga booted the thief with a swift kick and dragged his half-conscious form to her back room. She then stripped him naked and bound him to the radiator with a hair dryer cord.

His punishment was only beginning, however. For the next three days, she reportedly fed him Viagra and had sex with him repeatedly.

Upon his release, Jasinski went straight to the police, who have now arrested both him and Olga.

She admitted to the authorities his story was true but was outraged he turned on her, considering that once she released him, she says she gave him some money and a pair of new jeans.

It sounds like if their paths cross again, she'll really give him a punishment this time.