unidentified royal objects

The wedding of the millennium is now history. I did not watch any of the coverage but caught a wrap-up on the news.

The tradition of women wearing a hat in the royal presence seems to have hit a surreal level. Beatrice Windsor, more popularly known as Princess Beatrice, apparently wore a military tribute to women's diaphragms and octopuses.

For her part, Victoria Beckham decided to dress like a flight attendant for Dominatrix Airlines.

romeo and juliet in sleepy hollow

A 23-year-old college student in India is in police custody after allegedly beheading his girlfriend in front of classmates after she left a final examination.

The suspected perpetrator and his 18-year-old girlfriend had a classic Romeo and Juliet relationship -- their families forbidding their relationship. The woman's uncle reportedly even gave her lover a severe beatdown for his dogged pursuit.

"We were in love for the last five years, but our parents did not allow us to unite, so we decided to die together. After killing her, I was about to kill myself when they caught me," the student was quoted in the press.

Now I might buy the suicide pact. I don't buy you'd agree to have your boyfriend decapitate you. But even if you did, why would you want him to do it in front of your friends?

And why bother taking an exam beforehand? "Well, I might be losing my head, but I don't want my grades to suffer."

lizard island hnt

The Australian press is all abuzz about the possibility that William and Kate may honeymoon Down Under on Lizard Island, which is part of the Great Barrier Reef in Queensland.

Working against that speculation is the fact that the groom-to-be just recently visited Australia, so why would he come back so soon?

On the other hand, Lizard Island is small, remote, and very private, so it makes an almost press-proof destination. Will and Kate could frolic stark naked on the beach and no one would ever know.

is this picture disturbing?

This image was posted recently on a porn discussion forum. I was surprised at the reaction.

The majority of respondents, both female and male, thought it was offensive, sick, abnormal, etc.

I was surprised at that. I guess they have no problem with staged BDSM in commercial porn, but when people practice it home, it's somehow problematic. (Some incorrectly said she was chained to the bed, but she's not -- her hands are cuffed behind her back but not connected to the bed, as you can see if you look closely.)

The woman is not in distress. It's obviously consensual. Both participants are having a good time. So what is wrong?

a pornstar and a gentleman

Back when I was a single girl and living in Las Vegas, I wrote a fan message to pornstar Jack Lawrence via his MySpace page -- he's seen in the video below. He wrote back a very sweet note, was very complimentary about my pictures, and invited me to his house if I was ever in Los Angeles so he could cook me dinner.

I never had a chance to take him up on his offer but nonetheless thought he was very sweet to extend an invitation. Of course, I imagine if a porn actor invites a single female fan to his house, he doesn't plan to send her home with just a peck on her cheek. I wonder if, off screen, male pornstars are above average in the bedroom arena.

As to the flick itself, I find schoolgirl porn close to laughable. Could this cliche be any more of a groaner?

crap versus shit

I have never understood why the word "crap" isn't considered nearly as crude as "shit." Both are slang words meaning exactly the same thing.

In the United States, a radio or TV show can broadcast the word "crap" without incident, but using the word "shit" will result in an FCC fine. As children, we were discouraged from using the word "crap" in school, but a "shit" garnered a trip to the disciplinarian's office. If you said "crap" on a witness stand, the judge might dress you down, but a "shit" could earn you a contempt of court fine or even an overnight stay in jail.

I do not understand this kind of shit but am always searching for answers to this kind of crap.

dogfort

Dogfort is one of my favorite internet memes. I will admit most of them are somewhat mediocre, but when they're good, they're really good.

The one previewed below never fails to make me laugh. You have to click here to see the whole comic. I think part of the reason it's funny is because the humor perfectly matches the expression on the German Shepherd's face.

If you're not familiar with the dogfort phenomenon, you can read all about it here.

good girl sylvia

I've seen bits and pieces of this set posted various places on the interwebs but no one seems to know anything about its origins. Is Sylvia really into getting gangbanged in a motel room for all to see? Or was her man?

I said to The Husband that I regret I never had an opportunity to experience being gangbanged sometime before I was married. He's a very open-minded man, but the thought of me being used as a human sextoy by a crowd of men in one room makes him go a little green around the gills.

"After my funeral kitten," he says quietly whenever I mention things like this. I have no desire to do this now, but I would like to have known what it was like.

Wherever you are out there Sylvia, have fun and be careful.

interesting homemade porn loophole

The Husband and I attended a dinner party of sorts the other night where I somehow found myself in a conversation with a lawyer about homemade porn.

He had an interesting bit of advice about protecting your own smut -- don't just plunk a camera on a bureau or table and let if film by itself while you engage in sexual activity. If you do, according to him, the resulting movie is not protected by copyright.

Of course I asked why. His answer: purely automatic, unattended filming with no human input or design has no element of creativity or originality and thus cannot be copyrighted. For example, footage from a security camera could not be protected by copyright. Similarly, a camera left on a piece of furniture while you have sex does not meet the threshold for copyright protection.

According to what he said, the mere fact that something exists on film does not mean it can be protected.

I asked what about if one of the participants films while sex is in progress and then edits the footage later. He answered that would be an entirely different matter.

So the moral of this story is to play Spielberg with your homemade porn. Be creative. And don't let it fall into the wrong hands. Because once it's out there on the internet, 19 million teenage boys will be passing it around without a concern for no stinkin' copyright.

wet tanktop hnt

Showering under warm water while still dressed sometimes provides a wonderful erotic frisson.

a marriage of convenience

I have been a Michael Connelly fan for quite some time. If you're not familiar with his novels, he writes excellent, award-winning crime noir set in present-day Los Angeles.

Connelly was new to my husband because the author is not as widely known here in Australia. James loved his first novel and is now reading them in sequence. As he reads one, I concurrently re-read it, and then we discuss.

In one novel, The Last Coyote, a sometimes prostitute agrees to marry a powerful lawyer. The attorney knows of her past and is madly in love with her; he also believes she loves him, too.

We learn, however, as the novel develops that the woman doesn't love the lawyer and only marries him to provide a secure future for her young son from a previous relationship.

I liked the prostitute mom character and her choice didn't bother me. My husband, however, distinctly disliked her because of that choice, which bothered him greatly.

I thought our divergent points of view were interesting. Maybe it's instinctive to many women that you do what you must to survive. The maternal instinct to do almost anything for your child is a compelling force, too.

Women are said to be more romantic, but I think many men defy that "rule." A woman desires romantic love if it's possible but it's not a deal-killer as she has security. The male is not nearly concerned with security, so the more idealized love is the ultimate goal.

Recently we saw a movie where a woman, in order to save her husband, sleeps with another man. My husband saw no problem in that, nor did I. Curiously, the opposite would be much more improbable -- a man having to sleep with another woman to save his wife. That could make for a very interesting story.

happy after tax day

If you're a stateside American reading this and haven't yet filed your taxes or an extension, you are in semi-deep doodoo. Americans like me living abroad have extra time to file, but I sent mine in about six weeks ago because I finished the forms early.

I'm not the greatest whiz in math -- things like geometry flew over my head in school -- but I've always been very good with dollars and cents, so I do all the calculations and forms completion myself. It would be very difficult to have some accountant 10,000 miles away handling this. I'd be more worried about a miscommunication than the IRS coming down on my tail.

I have no idea how the IRS audits people living abroad if and when that happens. I can't imagine they'll visit me nor do they have someone stationed at the embassy here. I did read somewhere that most audits take place now my mail anyway, with them asking for copies of documents.

I can't see that my return would garner that kind of scrutiny, however. I didn't take any kind of weird deductions or shelter income in some weird way plus I don't earn that much money. I was much more attractive to them when I was a high-earning exotic dancer.

gigantically massive timesuck

I read an article the other day in Vanity Fair about 4chan.org, a massively popular website that was totally new to me.

So I ended up spending about four hours on the site without intending to. What a gigantic waste of time but I couldn't pull myself away from it. If I find myself dragged down that rabbit hole again I'll deliberately get myself banned so I won't be tempted to go back.

Needless to say most of the inmates seem to be introverted young males so a real live female who spoke freely about sex was like catnip to some of them.

interesting singer

I stumbled on videos of this singer, Helen Shapiro, whom I had never heard before. I then read about her at Wikipedia. She was sixteen at the time of this recording.

She's such an interesting dichotomy. She has a very powerful voice but her arrangements don't use it to best effect. Her stage presence is also somewhat stiff, not helped by that concrete bouffant and iron-clad dress.

pretty cool website

A friend send me a link to this website, which is a truly interactive online Money exhibit. You need to turn on your webcam, speakers, and microphone for the full effect.

huge disappointment

I was very excited to receive a link for a video of Britney Spears in a purported deleted scene from Jackass III where she is supposedly subjected to very gross things in a Port-o-Potty stunt.

Well it's a huge ripoff. She's obviously not even inside the portable toilet, given the way it's tossed around. And the camera allegedly inside the thing can't hide the fact they're dosing the "victim" with clean water. To add insult to injury, after the Port-o-Potty comes back to earth, it's a different girl inside and not even Spears, as revealed by the tanktop that suddenly is a different color.

I feel cheated and used. I wanted to see Britney Spears humiliated and covered in disgusting matter. Boo hiss.

new bra hnt

I like how this bra makes me look more stacked than I really am without looking obvious about it. I will say, however, that it's not particularly comfortable. The husband has ways of making me feel more comfortable, which you might discover if you're industrious.

moral dilemma

We all agree it's perfectly acceptable to surf the internet in a public place like a coffee shop or bookstore that advertises and encourages use of free Wifi. We also all probably agree it would be wrong to use free public wifi to do something illegal online.

What about if you use free public wifi to surf for porn? In my moral code, I would say that's perfectly all right, as long as the porn itself is legal. After all, you never see signs "free wifi except porn."

But what about if you've discovered someone hasn't password protected the wifi in his or her own home? Is it kosher to ride a neighbor's information superhighway for free?

To be honest, in my case, I'd have to answer "it depends."

I pay per minute for wireless internet access via a cellular connection. It ends up being cheaper than a monthly flat fee service for me, and I can also end run Australia's flabby attempts at censorship.

There are times, however, when I want to read the news or do something entirely G-rated online that takes very little bandwidth. I will admit to doing so on a neighbor's internet -- we have two who have not password protected their wifi and I sometimes hitch a ride.

I don't know -- is that wrong? Is that like pilfering a piece of candy from a store display? It wouldn't cost the neighbor anything and they probably would never know. It's not like they have a finite supply of internet, so my candy example might not quite be correlative.

On a related topic, I remember once shocking a friend when I tested grapes before buying them in the supermarket. I only ate one or two and did that to judge if they were sweet or sour. I didn't think that was wrong, but my friend acted like I had shoplifted a two-carat diamond.

kate middleton's secret porn tape

I never fail to make the husband laugh with my musing aloud sessions which usually begin "I wonder what would happen if..." I actually don't do this to make him laugh but it always happens anyway.

We somehow started talking about Kate Middleton's impending wedding today, and I asked aloud at some point, "I wonder what would happen if an authentic amateur porn video of Kate Middleton with a man other than William surfaced right about now."

This begs the question of whether "The Palace" did any sort of background check on Kate some time ago. The very thought is sort of repugnant, but even if it did, not everything can be uncovered.

Presumably if the tape appeared in the UK some royal-protecting law could be whipped up quickly to prevent release and/or a phlanx of lawyers would rush out to obtain an injunction of some sort. But in this age of Wikileaks, the video could easily be disseminated from sites in West Africa or Eastern Europe and pretty soon 100 million people would have their very own copy.

Would the wedding be cancelled? Would The Royals just pretend the tape didn't exist? Would an elaborate denial be concocted?

game night

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giant anteaters

I thought these shots were very cool. It's a mama giant anteater at the National Zoo in Washington, D.C. with her young, named Pablo, hence the sign. I saw them last night online when I was reading about the possible government shutdown.

grow up

The news coverage here in Australia of the US budget kerfuffle has been interesting. Some members of the media seem a little confused about how America's system differs from a parliamentary one.

What strikes me as astounding, and something that probably can be blamed on both parties, is how patchworked the budget process has become in recent years. Instead of passing a budget for an entire year, it's now down to little sippy-cup few-week extensions that go down to the wire every single time.

What kind of way is that to run the largest government in the world, an organization that dwarfs every corporation in sheer size?

Congress works on a two-year cycle. It thus makes perfect sense to have a two-year budget. They can fight this out every other year and then get on with other issues.

Settling this would be simple. Congress must decide on a two-year budget by a date no later than ninety days before the start of the next fiscal cycle.

If it hasn't passed a budget by that date, it must stay locked in the Capitol building with no access to phones or TV cameras for sound-bite wars. They can't leave the building until the budget is passed. Food and cots would be brought in and they have to use the Congressional toilets. And they wouldn't be paid, either, until the budget is approved.

It's time Congress acted like adults.

pimp this ride

Here's a car guaranteed to turn heads -- a futuristic concept Rolls Royce. It's 24 feet long, so it would be very roomy inside. The solo seat, I imagine, is for your chauffeur. Presumably there's a fairly large passenger compartment in the back, but unfortunately no photos of that were included in the site where I found these. If you'd like to see more pictures, be sure to click here.

slatternly outrage hnt

In light of "the outraged anonymous" who got in such a tizzy on Obasso's blog, I bring a further descent into the slatternly depths of clingy garments and thrusting derrières. Oh what a wanton hussy I am in my immoral rampage of all that is decent.

is charlie sheen winning or losing?

The Charlie Sheen tour was a major flop in Detroit over the weekend. He was literally booed off the stage and ended the rambling trainwreck after less than an hour.

The "program" for his tour show, if it can be called such, has Sheen riffing onstage about anything and punctuating his ramblings with irrelevant video clips. According to a press report, at one point he seemed so confused about how the show should proceed he said "is anybody else as confused by this shit as I am?"

The following night in Chicago, he received a standing ovation and most of the audience stayed throughout the "performance." The critics, however, were not impressed. Richard Roper tweeted from the show: "We are about 45 minutes into this. Whatever you're doing right now, including sleeping, it's probably more engaging than this." Another critic wrote that the audience was "a cross between a Sigma Chi Spring Formal at 2am and the 'C' boarding section at Southwest Airlines."

Tickets for the touring show have a face value of $126 but have been selling for as little as $20 after Detroit. Prices have inched up to $40 after in light of press reports about his appearance in Chicago. Sheen himself takes home about $150,000 per appearance on this tour.

So this all begs the question if Sheen is winning or losing by his tour. He claims he's worth being paid $3 million a week by CBS. But his concert tour shows that his demand is rather tepid. And how many people are really interested in seeing an imploding celebrity in a stream-of-consciousness rant? How many new fans is he winning with his tour and how many established fans is he losing? In the big ledger of celebrity, is he running a surplus or deficit?

Below, one Sheen fan provides her review after walking out of his Detroit show.

reading material

I do believe this is the first biblical trampstamp I've seen. I think it might be a bit distracting for the man, because while he's pounding away, it's like a whole newspaper back there to read.

the teacher is a pornstar

Should a former pornstar be allowed to teach science in a public high school?

No, that's not the set-up for a joke. I ask this rhetorically because a former exotic dancer and pornstar turned high school teacher named Tericka Dye was recently let go from her job, for the second time no less, after students discovered her secret celluloid past.

Dye first made national news in 2006 when her porn past was uncovered and she was released from her teaching contract at a Kentucky high school where she taught science and coached volleyball. She subsequently appeared on the Dr. Phil show to tell her side of the story. Flash forward several years later when, blessed with a new name and identity, she was hired once more to teach science at a Missouri school.

A few weeks ago, she was let go once again when her new school became aware of her history.

I do feel sorry for her. She receives high marks as an educator, a profession she truly seems to love, given her dogged determination to land a teaching job. Students and parents sing her praises. She had a rough upbringing and is trying to put her past behind her.

At the same time, you can't be surprised at how a school district will react to news like this. Porn and public education just don't mix.

Sometimes you make unwise but legal decisions early in your life that you can never undo. Porn is one of those. I don't think you can be outraged at people's outrage when children are involved.

Working as an exotic dancer or a call girl could be much easier to hide. But when you have anal sex on camera with multiple men simultaneously and many copies of the product float around on the internet, you will not be able to keep your secret. Her decision to appear on the Dr. Phil show was also not the smartest thing she could do.

Unfortunately for her, I don't see how this could ever be resolved in her favor. Hopefully she will find some kind of outlet for her ambitions.

sex chatter

The husband was doing his manly duty the other night. He had a great rhythm going and I was a happy girl.

Then suddenly out of the blue, without breaking his pace, he said, "did you know you left your new shoes in the car?"

I guess the look on my face said "now is not the time."

"Sorry, later," he said and returned his full attention to the task at hand.

Or perhaps he recalled some previous conversation we'd had where I mentioned one of my big pet peeves was unrelated chit-chat during sex.

I remember way back in 2004 some male partner suddenly commenting out of the blue about the presidential election. I recall another bedmate lamenting he had forgotten to tape some TV show that happened to be broadcasting concurrent to our sexual encounter.

I don't think anyone likes chatter that isn't somehow relevant during sex. There is a time and a place for that elsewhere. Unrelated topics tell your partner you're not really focusing on the job or, maybe, you aren't really that interested in me.

I've seen gonzo porn on occasion where one of the performers, usually the male, will go off on a verbal riff about something unrelated while plugging away.

For me, sex is like a live performance. Unrelated chatter is like an actor in a play suddenly stopping to take a personal call on his mobile.

huffy outrage at my hnt

I am still dumbfounded at a comment that was left on the official HNT blog about my picture last week.

It begins: "Some pictures are inappropriate; some aren't. This is disgusting. Hell, no wonder women are often considered sluts. Those who publish such are worse."

This is the picture. What is disgusting about that? What is one supposed to show to celebrate an event called "Half-Nekkid Thursday" -- pictures of an earlobe? An elbow teasing out of a blouse sleeve?

Apparently Mr. or Ms. Outrage doesn't realize that I used to make my living prancing around bareass naked. You could see my coochie in full view. I've had far more revealing and explicit HNT images here on the blog. Better not tell him or her or cardiac arrest will ensue.

Then the outraged party goes on to say: "Sure, her ass is lovely but what is your purpose? How did I mistake your blog and put you in my Favorites list? You must be male or voyeuristic."

The logic of the very last line had me laughing out loud. One apparently can either be a male or a voyeur but not both? Only women are voyeurs? And hasn't he/she ever noticed the dozens of Osbasso self-portraits on his blog that might give a tiny hint as to his gender?

What is the purpose of showing an ass? What is the purpose of showing a photograph of some flowers? What is the purpose of painting a wall blue? The purpose on a day like Half-Nekkid Thursday is to show people half-naked. D'oh.

bombshell shocker

The husband left early this morning for a job so I was home alone all day. After lunch, I decided to do some shopping in the city, so I called him and asked if he needed anything.

When I got to the train station, I realized I hadn't put my wallet in my purse, so I turned around and went home. And that's why I got the shock of a lifetime.

I entered the house with my keys in my mouth while rummaging in my purse and noticed my husband through the open door to our bedroom. I thought at first he just didn't have a shirt on, then I realized he was naked and, well, completely hard.

And then I saw the other one. His friend Dennis, also naked and also hard. Things suddenly turned very X-rated between the two of them.

In my shock, I dropped my purse and must have spit the keys out of my mouth because I ended up screaming. They both came running, still very hard, and I blacked out at that point.

The next few hours were a complete blur. My husband admitted everything about him and Dennis. He said it had been going on since shortly after we arrived in Australia.

He always used to say "when I'm with you I never notice any other women." Now I know why.

I am at a complete loss at this sudden and shocking development in my life.