squatting on me

Several times in the past two years I've checked to see if the domain hypersexualgirl.com was available. Amazingly it was, but I didn't register it because I was too cheap.

Now of course I regret doing so -- someone else now has the domain. I think it's a man but I can't tell for certain because he/she lives in Shanghai, China -- the name is Ho Nim.

Given China has steep anti-porn censorship laws, I can't imagine Ho Nim plans to start a porn site. I'm guessing this is a case of squatting on a name and then selling it at a higher price when someone wants it.

Oh well. Hypersexualgirl.net is still available.

masturbation horror stories

I don't have any masturbation horror stories. I know others, however, who did. Perhaps you do.

If so, you might have a hard time topping these "ten worst masturbation stories."

I will never be able to look at a Ken doll again and not think of the (IMHO) funniest one.

Be sure to check it out. I think you'll find it worth your while.

the majestic plastic bag

This is amusing but also an important message. And this isn't just an issue affecting one state -- it affects the world.

(The images of Los Angeles make me homesick for California.)

annoying

I get some very nice email because of this blog. (And I know I'm very slow in responding.)

Sometimes, however, I receive messages which perplex me.

One anonymous person insists on sending me very long, tedious religious messages chocked with Bible passages and hundred-word sentences. I block the sender and, sure enough, a few weeks later, I get the identical sorts of messages, with the same formatting, caplocking, and colors from yet another email address. The messages appear to be sent by a person and not some kind of bot. They're never signed by the sender.

I'm assuming because I write about sex that this someone has decided I'm a terrible sinner and must repent. Sex apparently is dirty and must only be done in missionary position in a pitch-black bedroom while still mostly dressed and only once every three months.

The logic behind this email barrage mystifies me. By annoying someone you think he or she will come around to your perspective? By carpetbombing people with unreadable messages, that will bring them closer, not push them away? And if you're so convinced by your beliefs, why don't you have the guts to sign your messages with your name?

Rant off.

badass or bozo?

You probably heard about Vladimir Putin's latest publicity event -- shooting a whale with a crossbow on a dingy for science. This is not the first of his camera-ready stunts. He rides around shirtless on horseback, hangs out with bikers, flies planes to put out forest fires, swims with dolphins, shoots bears and tigers with tranquilizer guns, etc.

So I ask: badass or bozo? I say bozo.

Real men don't have to try so hard. After all, if he's such a stud, why does he have police out seizing copies of books critical of him? If he was a true macho man, he wouldn't control the press, quash dissent, and constantly massage his image with propaganda. Real men aren't afraid of democracy.

I do find it somewhat annoying that the Western press eats up his macho man shit. How about covering some real news in Russia?

catnap hnt

I don't like to nap during the day because it interferes with my sleep cycles. Sometimes, however, a quick catnap is as irresistible to me as a fix to a junkie. The husband is charged with waking me up if he finds I've snuck off somewhere to sleep. The other day, however, he took pictures first and then woke me up with his tongue placed in a strategic location.

a love too big to last

I thought the recent excerpt in Vanity Fair magazine from the new book about Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor was quite interesting. I didn't think I would, particularly because I've never been a Liz fan, but after reading it, I'm glad I did.

What struck me was how Richard Burton was a really good writer. His love letters to Taylor show a true flair and passion for language.

I definitely recommend the article. I've put in an inter-branch request for the book at our local library when it becomes available Down Under because I want to read more from him. Hopefully it won't take too long to get here.

And those are what real hooters look like before the age of implants.

why don't more girls enjoy blowjobs?

A newer friend here in Australia, also an expatriate, is trying to get pregnant just like me. Because I don't yet know her that well, to date we've not had any real girl-girl talk, but that changed recently. For the sake of convenience here, I'll call her Molly, although of course that's not her real name.

At one point in the conversation, Molly got a sheepish look and delicately asked whether we were having sex more often now than before in order to seed the garden. Without telling her how often, lest she think we were complete sex maniacs, I said nothing had really changed in that regard. She then broached cautiously the fact that her husband -- also an American, whom I'll call Mark here -- wanted to shag more frequently but she did not.

I've learned from previous experience that telling women I don't know too well about how much I love fucking usually isn't such a good idea. I followed that rule here and listened more than I spoke (not always easy for me to do).

Molly at about this point had nearly finished her glass of wine, which seemed to be loosening up her tongue. She then leaned forward and asked in a confidential voice something like, "does your husband ever want you to do weird sex things?"

With a sense Molly's definition of a weird sex thing might be different than mine, I simply asked, "what kind of things?"

She colored and mouthed "blow job."

I could no longer contain myself and blurted out something like, "oh, he doesn't have to ask -- I love giving him those."

She was somewhat horrified, like I had just confessed the pope had pooped in my ear, and asked why?

Well that was sort of like asking "explain the history of the world in one paragraph -- use examples."

So this is what I said, more or less: I see sex as a performance. Sex with someone you love is also a gift. Part of the pleasure is experiencing his pleasure at what you're giving him. Like an actor or a singer, when you give a great performance, you appreciate how much your audience enjoys it. Seeing his face, all his little spasms and moans while he's getting sucked, is a fantastic experience. The better you make it for him, the happier he is. By satisfying him, you satisfy yourself. In return, he's almost always more than eager to please you.

Alas, I don't think I closed the sale with her. I did not ask if he goes down on her. I'm guessing the answer is "no."

a well hung election

The election results are close to final here Down Under. I'm not turning this into a political blog, but I thought this one warranted a non-partisan note. (I can't even vote here anyway.)

The result was neither of the two large parties one, because both received about the same number of seats without a majority. They're both brokering now with independents for control. The outcome is somewhat similar to what happened in the UK, although here the independents will have more of an upper hand because they can move one way or another.

Some wonks are lamenting this, but I don't think it's a bad thing at all. The populace is more in control as opposed to a political party. And, because it's a parliamentary system, another election could happen if the resulting coalition breaks down, and once again the populace steps in to settle matters.

Interesting times.

pointless

What is the point? You're adorning your body the rest of your life with a stickman drawing that a middle-school kid could make?

And that sucker's big. It covers his whole calf. Great for making yourself look like a complete tool whenever you wear shorts.

steal this movie

Most porn companies bemoan what they claim are lost revenues caused by online piracy of their product.

However, the CEO of Private, one of the world's largest porn producers, startled the industry this week with a interview where he said, "we will be extremely happy the more people are pirating our content and the more they look at it."

The reason is because he doesn't feel there is much future in filmed content and, instead, sees his company as progressing from making money with porn to earning a profit through actual sexual experiences.

Click here to see the full story.

feckless twentysomethings?

The New York Times had a long but nonetheless interesting article earlier this week about the trend of twentysomethings taking longer to "grow up."

While I've read about this before and, when I was living in the States, knew indirectly some people who might be called slow to mature, this was certainly not the case with most twentysomethings I knew.

Many in my circle of friends, like me, left home quite early for a variety of reasons. They also had to fend for themselves economically at a rather young age. Farting around was not an option.

What many of these types of studies don't seem to examine are the young adults' parents, particularly those willing to take them back into the nest. How much of this trend is the result of twentysomethings not ready to grow up, and how much is the result of over-indulgent parents -- the proverbial helicopter parents when Johnny was ten -- who cannot say "no" now that he's twenty-five?

uncomfortable hnt

Buying panties for their looks can have drawbacks. These might look nice, but they're uncomfortable to wear because they're hot. They appear more sheer than they actually are and feel like I'm wearing Saran Wrap after I've had them on only a few minutes. Just for pure devilment I once wore them to the doctor and pretended I didn't notice him blushing a deep crimson color.

sex party

National elections will be held here in Australia this Saturday. I can't vote because I'm not a citizen. I have, however, been canvassed quite a few times.

The Aussies have some election laws I like, such as compulsory voting and instant runoffs. They also have many things that confuse me, too, because I'm not used to the parliamentary system. As well, some aspects are downright confounding, like the fact that the more conservative major national party is called "Liberal."

One of the many political parties here is The Australian Sex Party, which has been running amusing ads. You can see a sample below. It helps if you know the style of this commercial parodies ads run by one of the major political parties.

Internet censorship has been something of a hot button here, and as a result, the fairly new Sex Party is hoping to gain one Senate seat due to public sentiment. They are fielding candidates pretty much throughout the country, except for the Capital Territory and Tasmania. In elections last year, the party ran in two races, finishing fourth out of ten candidates in one contest and third out of twenty-two in the other.

get lost

So this coming weekend in Southern California, an auction company will be selling more than a thousand props, costumes, set pieces, and other assorted stuff from the hit television show Lost.

This struck me as sort of cheesy. The proceeds are not going to charity but, instead, to the Walt Disney Company, which owns ABC. Do they really need the money?

The reason this seems a bit scuzzy, in my opinion, is that I wonder how much some of the stuff being sold will be worth in five or ten years. A star-struck fan might shell out hundreds or even thousands of dollars for a relatively minor prop that, a decade from now, will be close to unsalable.

So is this stuff being sold now to capitalize on a fervor that will soon cool?

the seduction buffet

You've almost certainly been to a buffet. You walk down the line, plate in hand, making your selections. Usually you must choose based entirely on how something appears. Later, back at your table, you might learn something which looked very tasty isn't so good. And maybe something you almost didn't pick, something that appears a bit unappetizing, is the best thing on the plate.

Before I was married, men were like a buffet to me. I would see something I liked and wonder what he was like in the sack. When I saw a guy who looked and acted something like a man I had already shagged, I would wonder if he was similar in bed. If he was really intriguing, I tried to close the deal.

Part of what made a conquest intriguing was speculating how close the reality would match what I imagined. I had little rules and litmus tests about men, everything from whether they wore a necktie in a bar while trying to pick up women to how they sat to the way they carried their shoulders. Some of my tests were fairly accurate as to whether they would be wild or inhibited or what their sexual tastes might be.

My husband and I were talking the other day about things we missed from single life. We both agreed that the chase and conquest of the opposite sex had been fun and, in married life, there isn't quite any equivalent. While we have no complaints about our sex life, knowing someone so well does take some of the mystery out of sex.

It's not like when you're with a stranger. You do something suddenly and unexpectedly and you wonder how he'll react then enjoy (usually) the response. But I almost always know exactly how my husband will react to something I do and vice versa.

I guess this is why some married couples swing. That's not something we're planning to do, however. Because there are lots of other ways to keep your sex life exhilarating. I'll write in a future post about a naughty little game we've played a few times which we both find quite electrifying.

doggie is much better

My gloomy post of Monday, I'm happy to say, was overly pessimistic. The old dog has revived and is back to her usual self.

The vet could not figure out what was wrong with her -- she was running a temperature, in addition to her lethargy -- but whatever was the problem seems to have remedied itself. The blood tests revealed nothing unexpected.

She's certainly not leaping over fences -- her owner has told us she was always extremely mellow -- but she seems back to the way she was before the mysterious spell and is also eating well again. I'm knocking wood as I write this that all will continue on a steady course, at least for a little while longer.

Having a dog under foot has made us both realize how much we like having a pooch with us. When she does ultimately check out, we've decided to adopt one of our own. Getting one now would probably be too much of a strain for her, although she does like the company of younger male dogs for short stretches at a time.

burning questions

I see a picture like this and immediately my busy little mind fills with questions. Like...

Does he have to take all that off when going through an airport or courthouse security screening?

Do magnets ever stick to his face?

Why isn't his right eyebrow pierced?

does craigslist promote sex slaves?

A half-page advertisement in The Washington Post and The San Francisco Chronicle a few days ago accused popular Website Craigslist of facilitating child prostitution in its "adult services" section. The ad detailed the first-person experiences of two young girls who said their pimps used the popular online site to sell sex.

The controversy has garnered some press attention, but not as much as one might think considering the accusations. It will be interesting to see what becomes of this.

motivational hnt

I'm posting this to motivate myself to work harder in the gym. I can't believe how much muscle tone I've lost in my legs. I cringe when I see how flaccid my thighs have become. I work out nearly every day, but that doesn't compare to dancing your ass off five days a week, eight hours a day. I quit dancing nearly two years ago. I don't really miss it, but I think my body does.

paul rudd, bat mitzvah DJ

Before he was a famous movie actor, he was a starving DJ. I'm not Jewish and thus have only been to a handful of bat and bar mitzvahs, but I have to say he's terrible in comparison to the other ones I've seen. Good that acting thing worked out for him.

And such a snappy dresser!

a pornstar in the family

The tabloid press is beside itself with stories about the new hardcore porn movie made by Montana Fishburne, daughter of celebrated actor Laurence.

She thinks this will help her break into Hollywood and cites Kim Kardashian as her inspiration. Kardashian, like Paris Hilton, may be a household name, but she's hardly offered significant acting roles. She's a professional celebrity with no talent and nothing more.

Both Kardashian and Hilton made sex tapes which they deliberately leaked to the public all the while pretending to be outraged at the "invasion" of their "privacy." There's a certain double standard in this, because while it's apparently okay to have a "private" sex tape made public, that's a sight different than showing up on a porn set to get your freak on. Paris and Kim continue to perpetuate the lie that they had nothing to do with the "leak."

Now maybe Montana wants to appear in some "reality" show and has no designs on mainstream acting. The porn will certainly boost her name recognition. If she wants to act in a feature film or a network or cable TV show, it probably will hurt her.

I do think people are being hypocritical in blasting her for her decision. How is doing a porn film any different than the crap Hilton and Kardashian pulled?

On a related note, my husband said she's probably the first woman in decades to use her real name in porn.

sick doggie

I've written before about the old dog we care for as part of our long-term housesitting deal for the elderly neighbor now living in a nursing home. It's win-win for us because we live virtually rent free.

The pooch is incredible sweet and gentle. She had two surgeries in a row around Christmas, one of which was to remove a tumor in her face which left her somewhat disfigured. Although stiff and arthritic, she seemed to have bounced back quite well. She always has trouble eating because of her disfigurement, so my patient husband hand feeds her every day.

Over the last week, however, both of us noticed she seemed to be more easily fatigued with each passing day. So we took her to the vet and they ran a battery of tests. Still no word yet about what the problem might be, but I have a bad feeling this might be last call for her. She's not our dog, but we've both grown quite attached to her.

never too early

I'm sure some people would find this horrifying but I found it humorous and hope you will too.

I'm reminded of an exotic dancer with whom I once worked who hoped that her teenage daughter would follow her into the profession because she could make good money. Not that there's anything wrong with that line of work, but you would've thought she'd have slightly higher aspirations for her pride and joy.

my gigantic breasts

I had a very curious dream last night, one of those extremely vivid ones that seemed absolutely real while it happened.

In the parallel universe of dream world, I suddenly had very large breasts. They weren't implants. They somehow had grown naturally to a phenomenal size. We're talking at least 44DD.

What made this so intense was that I could feel the breasts as if they were my own. It was such a tactile dream. I could touch the massive breasts, and it was just like massaging my own. When I walked or moved around, I could really feel the effect of having much larger breasts, both in the physical strain and in how they made me short of breath.

For whatever reason, I had to go to the post office, so I decided to experience life with large tits and dressed in a skimpy tight tanktop without a bra. I even remember that it was sort of a pink/lilac shade. Needless to say, the service and attention was exceptional, much more so than one receives as a woman with ordinary-on-the-small-side tits.

At that point the dream morphed into something else entirely and the whole breast thread disappeared completely.

fantastic sculpture

I think this is pretty brilliant. Unfortunately, I don't know the artist, museum, or gallery. I found it on a compilation webpage with all sorts of interesting images, but nothing was identified.

stealth hnt

The husband secretly took this photo when I was showering in a motel bathroom. I didn't realize this until weeks later when I was downloading some photos from his camera. He loves to catch me naked in photographs completely unaware. I guess it's okay to be perved by your own spouse.

inception

I saw it. I liked it very much. I highly recommend it if you haven't already seen it.

But. You may regret theaters don't have freeze-frame and instant replay features. I actually found myself involuntarily holding up a nonexistent remote a couple times to try and go back thirty seconds and see something again. The Husband noticed me doing that and kidded me to no end later.

I was tempted to see the movie a second time, but I think I'll wait until it comes out on DVD. I found a version online someone had made with a video camera in a theater (hugely illegal of course), but the quality was so shitty I stopped watching after a few minutes. I can't see why studios are worried that kind of thing will cut into their box office.

precious seed

Four months have passed since we began our attempt to get pregnant. The news is that I'm not knocked up, although it's certainly not for a lack of trying.

We had largely stopped certain practices -- oral, anal, etc. -- in favor of standard intercourse so that his sauce wouldn't be wasted, so to speak. Neither of us were particularly happy about that.

So we decided not to worry about treating semen like liquid platinum and just go back to doing whatever we feel like doing at the moment. If his precious seed ends up in my mouth or the sheets or the car window, so what? There's plenty more where that came from.

the people v. buttman

The U.S. government's obscenity case against John A. Stagliano, a.k.a. Buttman, was recently thrown out of court. For whatever reason, the case did not garner much attention in the mainstream press.

If you don't know much about smut, the Buttman videos might seem pretty raw. Pissing! Enemas! Bondage! Oh good gracious!

The truth is a lot of porn has things like that and other elements considerably more edgy. Why Stagliano was singled out remains a mystery.

I have no interest in watching a scat video. I'm sure most people don't. But if it floats your boat and all the production participants are above the age of consent and are consenting, why should they be stopped? Porn these days is almost exclusively viewed in the privacy of one's home or office. So it's not like it causes public mayhem. It's utterly invisible except to its audience.

If you don't like it, don't look at it. But why must you force your tastes down someone else's throat? I have no interest in watching anything featuring Donald "Squirrel Hair" Trump, but does that mean you should be prosecuted because your taste doesn't match mine?

Wouldn't the costs for this prosecution have been better spent fighting actually dangerous shit, like Al Queda?

I did find Buttman's quote about the trial amusing: "This is bad for my autobiography. . . . I was hoping for a better fight than they put on."

butch

I've noticed some photographers have been doing this lately: posing a muscular, athletic man in women's underwear or makeup. I was reading a photography book recently that posited a theory something like this: juxtaposition for juxtaposition's sake is merely a gimmick unless you have a valid, creative reason.

My husband told me that in cold-weather special forces training soldiers will often wear several pairs of women's stockings under their thermal underwear for extra warmth. So it turns out wearing thigh-highs isn't all sissy girly feminine after all.

I don't believe special forces guy wear lipstick and bras, however, and I saw that recently in an artsy photo.