a popsicle crime story

File this under "criminals are stupid": A Texas man has been arrested for breaking into a home and stealing a Popsicle after posing as a campaign worker.

He faces two to twenty years in prison if convicted and a fine of up to $10,000.

Bottom line: if found guilty, this possibly may be the most expensive Popsicle in history. Imagine losing years of your life for stealing a sugary snack that's mostly water and can be purchased for less than a dollar.

unidentified flying objects

It's not an understatement to say that many "published reports" in fringe publications of UFO sitings are dubious at best.

But what about when it's an article in the New York Times quoting military pilots who both witnessed and photographed unidentified objects? Does that make it more credible?

The mysterious objects certainly are intriguing. The big, unanswered question, of course, is whether they're some kind of optical illusion or something created by high-tech equipment.

Or do they belong to some sort of advanced, non-human race of creatures? If so, does that mean they came from outer space?

Who's to say we're the only intelligent creatures on the planet? Could a race of advanced creatures live in underwater and subterranean colonies deep in the most remote regions of the ocean, only accessible by some kind of advanced portal? Could they be a remote outpost, like a military base, and the creatures enter and depart via fast-flying mystery craft occasionally seen in the sky?

In short, maybe they're not visitors. Maybe they've been here a very long time, even longer than humans?

the 900-pound drug dealer

Meanwhile, in Virginia, a 900-pound drug dealer pleaded guilty to a charge of conspiring with others to distribute and possess eight pounds of cocaine with the intent to distribute. Because the defendant is unable to walk or dress himself, the hearing was held at the courthouse's loading dock with the defendant lying inside an ambulance backed up to the doors.

Last month, while on bail and awaiting trial, the defendant also tested positive for cocaine use. Before his arrest, he "lived in a dwelling attached to the rear of a mobile home." That sounds to me like it was a separate structure because he was too large to actually fit in the mobile home.

It was not clear how the defendant was removed from his home. The court had ordered, if necessary, that a large hole be cut into the dwelling wall and for nearby trees removed.

Several thoughts come to mind here. First, I always had the understand that cocaine use made you underweight. Now either the defendant wasn't using enough coke or, maybe, without his coke use, he would have been a thousand pounds.

Second, if you weigh 900 pounds, at one point do you decide, "fuck it, I just don't care how much I weigh anymore. I'm gonna eat whatever the hell I want. And exercise? That's for pussies."

Third, while I'm no physiology expert, I have to think not everyone could come anywhere close to weighing 900 pounds even if you tried. Something seriously wrong with your endocrinology has to happen before you could even set out to weigh this month.

And finally, how the hell does he go to the toilet? If he can't walk nor dress himself, does he just shit himself? Does he wear some kind of improvised diaper? Does a loved one handle the cleanup?

I think the defendant here is an individual crying out for documentary treatment. I want to know much more, and I'm sure I'm not alone.

would you eat bugs?

I happened to read this very short article offline about a company that manufactures snack chips made out of crickets. I will admit my first reaction was not complete disgust.

I'll also admit the chances I would try such a chip would increase exponentially depending on my hunger. If I was famished, I'd probably eat one -- and maybe more. It I wasn't really hungry, I probably wouldn't.

That likelihood would increase still further when I was pregnant. I had some really weird cravings, as chronicled in previous blog entries here.

The idea of warming some canned dog food in the microwave to snack on rather disgusts me right now. I actually did it during one of my pregnancies.

I'm going to look in the supermarket the next time I'm there to see if they have any of these insect snacks. I might be actually tempted if they're not too expensive.

make your kid a youtube star

The Wall Street Journal ran an article last week about how some parents are spending up to a grand a week to send their kids to special summer camps where they learn how to create viral videos and become YouTube stars. (The piece is paywalled and I could not find a free online version.)

This reminds me of the recent trend in the United States where parents sent their kids to summer camp to learn how to be a breakout sitcom star.

Most parents, I suspect, don't want their children to be famous. While fame may bring some benefits, it also can bring a lot of very negative baggage for children. One need only look at all the former child stars who developed substance abuse and addiction problems in their later teens and onward.

Big money is at the heart of this I imagine. And there's some truth in saying that money is the root of all evil. A kid who earns $100,000 a week or more as a star isn't experiencing a normal childhood. What's emotionally the difference between making your kid a star and all the hours of work that entails and sending your kid to work in a sweatshop?

I think parents should strive to make their kids' childhood to be as normal as possible. When your kid is making more per week than most adults will earn all year, you potentially are making your kids' childhood to be as abnormal as possible.

investing pet peeve

I have another pet peeve to discuss today. This one has to do with investing -- and my beef is the stock buyback.

I've written before about how I invested my excess earnings as an exotic dancer in the stock market when CD interest rates went through the floor. I bought all dividend-paying stocks, which pay a return every quarter. I've sold some of those to invest in others and have been generally happy with my returns.

Occasionally a stock will have excess earnings or too much profit and will pay an additional, one-time dividend. I love those, because it's like found money. One of my stocks paid a one-time dividend just this past week. Wee!

Many companies don't do that, however. They do what are called stock buybacks. They buy their own stock on the open market with the hope that it will raise share prices. Sometimes that works. And sometimes it doesn't.

When it doesn't, IMHO, the company has just pissed away billions and got nothing in return. The shareholders got nothing, either. The only people who ended up winners were those who sold their stock to the company which ended up overpaying for it.

If it was up to me, I'd outlaw stock buybacks because they potentially waste shareholders' money. Better for the company to reinvest the excess profits or give it back to the shareholders in the form of a bonus dividend.

incredibly poor taste

A theme park affiliated with The National Enquirer opened this weekend in Tennessee with an attraction that recreates Princess Diana’s fatal car crash. It costs $25 American to enter.

While the promoters insist it's not in poor taste, they don't get to decide that. The public does. IMHO, it's incredibly tasteless and I'm certainly no royalist.

When you're making a buck on someone's brutal death, you're acting in extremely poor taste and your sense of morals and ethics are all fucked up. You're putting the almighty dollar before common sense and basic human decency.

you have mites on your face

Right now, while you're reading this, tiny mites are burrowed in your face, happily eating your body oils, and occasionally having sex. But don't worry -- they never poop.

Yes, this is disgusting but true. These demodex mites are distant relations of spiders and are something you want because they tidy up your pores and consume excess skin oils.

On most people, the microscopic mites -- which look like electric toothbrush heads -- cause no problems. But on a few people, they can cause skin and eyelid conditions.

If you have to have mites who will live their entire lives on your face, it's nice to know they'll never crap there. That's because they have no anus and store their waste their entire lives.

That might actually be handy. Imagine living the rest of your life without having to take a dump. Think of all the time and money saved. A roll of toilet paper would last for decades.

dido's lament

There's no denying that this is an incredibly beautiful piece of music. It is called Dido's Lament and was written by Henry Purcell, one of the greatest English composers of all time. He lived from 1659 to 1695.

I am allegedly a direct descendant of Purcell through my father's paternal grandmother, whose maiden name was also Purcell. It would be interesting to verify this, but at the end of the day, what does it really matter?

vacuum confidential

In a development proving that my transformation from exotic dancer to hausfrau is complete, I am excited about the new vacuum cleaner that I bought.

When the husband and I were first married, our little love cottage had wood floors in the main room and lino in the kitchen and bath, so we dry mopped or swept the floors and shook the rugs outside.

When we moved into our current house, which we house sit on a longterm basis, we began using the homeowner's Cold War era vacuum on the area rugs and floors, but it was never very good. The thing was heavy and cumbersome and a true chore to use.

So, finally, enough was enough. I went out and bought a new vacuum on sale. And when I got it home, I was excited to use it!

Our place has a ridiculous number of bedrooms because it was built as a rooming house, but we never use any of the ones upstairs where the doors are all kept closed. So I didn't vacuum up there. The downstairs, however, has now been vacuumed thoroughly, including all surfaces dusted using the special tools, plus the upholstery and curtains were all vacuumed, too. I even vacuumed along the cornices in all rooms to remove any cobweb traces. Vacuuming with a good machine is fun!

In the process, I also discovered the dog likes to be vacuumed with the hose attachment. I did not attempt to vacuum the children, however.

simian apron strings

Although it was probably not intended to be funny, this article about overly protective bonobo mothers made me laugh. The story in brief: scientists have discovered that bonobo mothers protect their young sons while the latter copulate with other females.

This brought to mind the stereotypical human mother who pushes her shy, nebbish son into dating some grasping young female that Mother has decided would be an ideal match for her darling boy.

The picture used with the article is absolutely priceless. The young male bonobo looks like a sniveling little boy. You can almost hear him say I don't wanna. Mother looks too domineering. Now Sheldon I don't know why you can't go over and just say hello to that nice young lady and ask her to copulate.

defiance

Last week I finished reading Defying Hitler: The Germans Who Resisted Nazi Rule, a fairly lengthy book that was just published in April.

This is not the first book I've read on this topic, so I'd encountered much of the material before, at least in broad terms. Nonetheless, it's a very compelling, highly readable, well written, and well researched book.

If you only wanted to read one book on German resistance in the 1930s and 40s, this would be a good one to read because it's so comprehensive. The authors cover every major resistance group and activity during the Third Reich, both within the military and among ordinary citizens.

By covering all these major efforts, unlike in books that focus on one group or operation, you get a true sense of what was happening concurrent to other resistance activities.

When I finished this book, I came to the realization the German resistance likely did not shorten the war by one single minute. It didn't bring down Hitler's murderous regime nor did it assist the allied invasion in any meaningful way.

While resistance in occupied countries like France, Norway, the Netherlands, Denmark, and others definitely hastened German defeat within those nations, in the homeland, the state was too powerful and the resistance too weak to make any kind of a difference.

asteroid blues

This is an interesting article about the drawbacks of attempting to protect our planet from a future asteroid strike. Hollywood movies have already addressed this scenario, and their solution was to attempt to divert or destroy the asteroid to avoid impact.

The reality might not be so easy. Diversionary tactics might actually make the problem worse -- like causing the asteroid to hit New York City rather than Denver, its original destination.

After reading the article, I was wondering if maybe people are overreacting to the extremely small chance that an asteroid will hit the planet anytime in the foreseeable future. Maybe it would be better to devote time and resources to fighting cancer or climate change, both very real threats that will affect -- and kill -- countless millions in this century alone.

horrific murder

I'm glad I didn't read about this horrible homicide while I was still pregnant. The freak-out stress would not have been good for either me or the child.

The alleged killers must be particularly dimwitted. They hacked up the corpse with a big knife but didn't bother spreading anything on the floor first, thus soaking the carpet with blood.

And then in another moment of sheer genius, they dumped the body in the trash right behind where one of the suspects lived. Don't these people ever watch homicide programs on television?

Roughly a third of homicides are never solved. One has to imagine many of those were committed by very smart people who figured out ahead of time how to keep themselves from getting caught.

If you're going to kill somebody, be very careful. That may be all it takes. Planning ahead really helps. Like the boy scouts say: be prepared.

as the domino falls

These things are fun to look at but what a glorious time suck it must be to put them together. IMHO, the time invested versus the thrill payout don't make this a good investment. But I'm lured to watch anyway.

meules

On Tuesday, Claude Monet's painting Meules (which means grainstacks in French) sold at auction in New York for $110 million, the highest public price ever for any impressionist work. The painting last sold in the 1980s for $2.5 million, giving the former owner a fantastic investment return.

IMHO, this is an incredibly beautiful painting. If I was a billionaire, I don't know if I would pay $110 million for it, but that doesn't take anything away from the picture's magic.

The buyer was not disclosed, suggesting it was a private party. Hopefully that person will allow the painting to be displayed publicly for a period of time so that all who see it may enjoy it.

style victim

Nicole Kidman is on the cover of both the British and US editions of Vanity Fair for this month. IMHO, her hair and styling are very unflattering.

She turns 52 next month, and her face looks great, but the wardrobe choices and over-gelled hair both on the cover and inside the magazine really do her a disservice. She has the right body for a strapless dress, but the way she's sitting on the cover with her shoulders rolled does not flatter her at all. And some of the photos on the inside spread seem like she went out of her way to look as unattractive and grimy as possible.

Maybe when you're worth hundreds of millions and you want something different just for the sake of variety, this is what you end up with. But I think she needs to take more control of her looks and stop letting stylists sabotage her beauty.

the pornhub politician

A Danish legislator up for re-election is advertising on an unusual platform -- PornHub. His ad's tagline reads "when you finish wanking, vote for Jokke."

This arguably doesn't raise too many eyebrows in progressive, libertine Denmark. I can't imagine the same laid-back reaction in the United States. I think the ad placement would become a huge distraction in a race and crowd out the actual issues.

I also think it would hurt the porn-advertising politician unless he or she was from a handful of very left-of-center regions of the country. Any politician from the so-called Bible Belt who tried this would be, well, crucified.

context is all

The headline for this interview with Dr. Ruth Westheimer is a nebulous quote taken out of context that makes it sound like she's against people sleeping naked. And, of course, that's not the case.

She's really talking about consent.

This is her complete quote: "This idea that once you are aroused and have already started that you should then ask, 'Can I touch your left breast, or your right breast?' Nobody has any business being in bed, naked--two guys, two women, or a man and a woman--if they haven’t decided to have sex."

I don't know if I agree with this, however. I think that consent on bigger issues is still necessary. If you're naked and in bed and involved in foreplay, your partner might want something that you don't. If you assume the doggy position, he shouldn't just start anal without asking first.

But I agree on the touching. If you're already aroused, you're beyond the point of needing permission to touch various parts of the body.

russian love

Someone with time on his or her hands gathered together a gallery of the oddest photos on Russian dating sites. I want to know the response rate for some of these photos and, more important, what did the respondants' photos look like? Did any of the ladies in this gallery contact any of the listed gentlemen?

As for the stud with the gun and the vacuum below, there might be some method to his madness. Is he saying none-too-subtly "I'll protect you and I'll do your vacuuming, too." That's actually not a bad offer.

machines like me

I've written and raved about British novelist Ian McEwan on this blog more than a few times. When he hits it out of the park with his novels like Nutshell, The Children's Act, Sweet Tooth, Atonement, Saturday, Amsterdam, and more.

So I was super excited to read his newest book Machines Like Me, which was just published this month. My bottom line is this: the book is highly readable and enjoyable and perfectly serviceably written; however, it's far from his best work.

After a half dozen literary grand slams in a row, McEwan can't be faulted for something less than stellar.

Machines suffers, in my opinion, because the characters aren't particularly empathetic so I don't think the reader really cares what happens to them. The narrator seems like a feckless whiner and his girlfriend who is endlessly researching the Corn Laws, ends up being an enigma.

The central character is a highly advanced robot who ends up having more heart and soul than his two human companions. But ultimately I couldn't find myself really caring about a glorified machine with no soul.

The author has mysteriously, at least to me, set the book in an alternative universe 1980s that are a lot more technologically advanced than our own time. Historical events are different -- Jimmy Carter has two terms and Margaret Thatcher is Prime Minister for only a short period after Britain loses the Faulklands War -- but for no apparent reason other than gimmick's sake.

So I can't end up recommending Machines Like Me simply because McEwan has written quite a few much better books. They're worth your attention, not this most recent outing.

worse than really bad

I think this is just about the worst tattoo execution I've ever seen. The inspiration is on the left. The result, as you can see, looks nothing like the inspiration. The actual tattoo looks like a doodle made by a middle schooler.

This mess appears to be on the person's lower thigh, right above the knee. Why didn't he or she watch while it was being done and call a halt the instant it became obvious the tattoo "artist" had utterly no skill?

my tumblr is not quite dead

A longtime reader sent a email this week to let me know that while my Tumblr page itself is no longer visible to anyone but me, that page is mirrored on a variety of archiving sites. The best preserved one appears to be on Tumbex.

I have no urgent need for these photos as they're all archived in my private file directories online. But it's nice to know they also can still be accessed and used by the public at large.

In slightly related news, Verizon is looking for a buyer for Tumblr. They reportedly are less than happy about its lack of profitability. Doing away with adult Tumblr pages certainly didn't help on that front, I'm sure. I read somewhere they've lost more than half their site traffic since their prude crackdown.

how does batman pee?

I must admit I never thought how bats urinate. If I had ever given it any thought, I imagine I would guess they did it while flying through the air.

Now while they still might do it that way, now I know they definitely do it this way. I think this is important knowledge, because it's the sort of thing you can't un-know once you've seen it.

she has no eyes

I've seen the Dolce & Gabbana ad pictured below several times in different magazines (enlargement). Somewhere in production, after this photo was taken, the model's eyes were apparently airbrushed/Photoshopped into nonexistence.

I checked with some image software, turning the brightness and gamma correction way up. She definitely has no eyes.

Maybe they thought this would feature the sunglasses more. I think it makes her look freaky, like some kind of replicant. The stiff pose and the half-open mouth don't help, either.

I checked online and the sunglasses are priced at $310 American. That's about $300 more than the maximum I'm willing to pay for sunglasses. I buy mine here at an independent discount store at three for $10 Australian, which works out to be three for $7 American.

the japanese wife

In Japanese history, women were definitely second-class citizens, much more than in other societies. Unmarried women had to submit to their fathers, while married women had to submit to husbands or, of widowed, to their eldest son.

Women had to serve and remain silent in their husband's presence unless spoken to. If the wife accompanied the husband outside the home, she had to walk several feet behind him. And a husband could beat or rape his wife without penalty and could even legally kill her if she was caught committing adultery.

That history came to mind when I was looking at some pictures in the newspaper of the Japanese emperor's abdication ceremony and crowning of his son as the new emperor. The latter's wife in several pictures was shown walking behind her husband or standing a half step behind him in posed pictures.

That could just be a coincidence. Or because they are the royals, a certain female subservience is still mandated. Whatever the answer, you'll never hear either one of them talking about it, because the Japanese royals never speak to the media and very rarely make any kind of public statements.

While the British monarch has some passive power to delay legislation from becoming law and also block certain state appointments, the Japanese monarch is a total figurehead. He's like the Statue of Liberty except with a pulse. What a boring life that must be.

The majority of the Japanese, however, support their emperor, so he's not likely to be deposed anytime soon. As well, a clear majority supports the idea of a empress as head of state.

So if the current empress is indeed standing and following behind her husband out of some traditional requirement, she should cut that shit out right now. Japan wants a modern empress, not a glorified beauty queen.

¡muy caliente!

The Wikipedia front page for the last several days featured a photo of Spanish Prime Minister Pedro Sánchez. Maybe it's just my non-pregnant hormones getting back into balance, but wow, he's better than a poke in the eye with a stick.

If you cloned a younger George Clooney with a young Sean Connery, you might end up with Sánchez. The Spanish press apparently goes nuts for him and treats him and his tall, slender, blonde wife like movie stars.

Some women say that Canadian PM Justin Trudeau is a hottie, but IMHO he appears too boyish. He'll come into his looks when he's a little older. Sánchez has a more mature, manly look about him.

I know this is woefully superficial, but it's nice to see some political eye candy now and then. The United States could definitely do with a healthy dose of that right now.

phasmophobia

Before you reach for your dictionary, phasmophobia is the fear of ghosts. I had to look that up, too.

I'm currently reading a novel where a character thinks he sees a ghost several times and becomes paralyzed with fear. That caused me to wonder why people are so terrified of ghosts and haunted places, if they actually even exist.

Yes, in movies, TV, and books, ghosts are often powerful and destructive. But when you read about alleged ghosts and hauntings in the real world, the ghosts are always utterly harmless -- shuffling feet, empty rocking chairs that won't stay still, weeping and the like.

We live in a somewhat creepy place that's old for Australia and was built as a boarding house. It makes a lot of odd noises, which are related to settling and daily temperature changes. Some would think it was haunted. If it is, it's the most harmless ghost ever. I've never felt the least bit afraid in the place. I imagine that wouldn't be true for everyone.

Ghosts get a very bad rap. They need a PR campaign. That almost sounds like the logline of a high-concept comedy -- a striving publicist is hired by a squad of ghosts for an public image makeover. Laughs and highjinks ensue.

not a good look

I happened on this photo of Sandra Bullock while looking for something else online and was taken aback. IMHO that red sequined jumpsuit is very unflattering on her (enlargement).

Bullock is now in her mid-fifties, and she's always been quite thin and is not terribly tall. That jumpsuit, IMHO, would look better on a much taller woman with full breasts. It's very unflattering in the neckline for an older woman, too, and I think she had the pants legs hemmed too short.

Some women would look great in that jumpsuit, but I don't think Bullock is one of them. I like her acting and she seems like a genuinely nice person, but her taste in clothes could use some improvement.

tit talk

Recently I saw this image somewhere on the internet purporting to be a woman's musculature and breasts after all layers of skin were removed. It struck me immediately as wrong because I recall seeing accurate illustrations of a woman's breast structure if the skin was removed and it didn't look like this.

Fortunately, Live Science is running an article explaining why the image is "wildly inaccurate," to use their words. Hopefully as many people will eventually see this as the number of people who saw the wrong explanation.

I'm always amazed how people will believe anything just because they saw it on the internet. If you see something posted without sourcing, it's arguably best to believe it's wrong unless proven otherwise. Err on the side of caution. You'll be glad you did.

the dumbing of america

In an article about neonatal nurses being angry at the current administration, rather than using their correct title, The Daily Beast instead called them "Baby Nurses" in the headline. And it's not like they had to use the wrong word to make the headline fit -- they had plenty of unused space.

Apparently this is a dumbing down headline. The Daily Beast seemingly thinks people are too stupid to know what a neonatal nurse might be. If that's the case, why not simply call them "nurses"?

The term "baby nurse" sounds like it is, literally, an infant who nonetheless somehow is a nurse. Baby can't walk or talk, but she's otherwise a fully qualified licensed nurse.

I wonder if this means I can send my newborn son to medical school this year?