sex is like pre-chewed gum

My husband attended Catholic schools here in Australia, so he has no real knowledge about what out son will learn once he starts public school. Joey is not yet three, so we need not worry immediately, but we've been talking about what we want to teach him before he's enrolled and what to let the school handle.

It's way too early to worry about sex, but I've been reading some articles in the Australian press about how many people feel sex education in the public schools here is very outdated. (Unlike the UK, where "public school" means something different, a public school in kangaroo land is the same as in the US.)

My husband and I both agree that before he learns anything about sex in school, he'll receive a pre-education from my husband at home, in addition to general information about where babies originate, etc. Fortunately, schools here apparently do not have an abstinence-only curriculum.

I was reading this recent and disturbing piece about abstinence-only sex "education" in the US. Numerous independent studies have proven that students with pro-abstinence "training" are more likely to become pregnant or acquire a sexually-transmitted disease.

The title for my entry comes from the linked article, where a woman in an abstinence-only videos says that premarital "sex is like pre-chewed chewing gum -- is that what you want to present to your husband?"

In my opinion, pro-abstinence programs are little more than a scam. It's a great hustle by the companies who peddle the curriculum materials. If my kid's school taught that crap, I would be enraged.

Teaching kids about sex isn't easy. But there's a right way and a wrong way. I was a terrible student in school and dropped out when I was sixteen, but at least I learned something about birth control and STDs in middle school. Had I not, I imagine I would've ended up pregnant at about fifteen or younger.

Both my husband and I are of the opinion that sex education needs to be started at home. We don't want our son to be a virgin until he's married, but we don't want him tapping every classmate, either. So finding the right guidance won't be easy but it will be entirely necessary.

orgasm eyes

This might sound goofy, but I wish I could do this with my eyes. It's just so freaky and unusual that I know it would come in handy at times.

Her name is Adrian Maya and, obviously, she does porn. With this kind of unusual skill, if I were here, I'd reach for a higher goal and try to be a horror movie queen. She'd be a natural for The Walking Dead.

She's somewhat bug-eyed so maybe that's why she can do this. I may be completely wrong about that, however, given I'm no medical expert. I'll have to ask my brother.

the galaxy quest TV series

I read in Entertainment Weekly that a TV series based on the hit movie Galaxy Quest is likely to happen.

I loved Galaxy Quest. It's one of my favorite comedies.

I'm wondering, however, whether this film will successfully make the small screen transition. One reason the movie works is because the audience is in on the joke long before the characters on screen.

That's what makes the movie special, but once that surprise is revealed, the story is propelled toward a natural conclusion. By making it into a series, that would seem to spoil what's special about the movie -- it only works once because less is more.

Based on the reader comments with the article, however, apparently I am in the minority with this opinion. So I hope I'm proven wrong.

If it's well written and acted, it could be a lot of fun. I think it will need some clever and unique story twists that were not in the original movie.

rickrolled

About two or three times a month, an anonymous visitor leaves a comment on one of my posts here with a link to a Rick Astley video on YouTube. If you know your Internet memes, you know this is called Rickrolling.

I assume it's the same person who does this over and over and over again. Why he or she thinks it's funny is beyond me. He (or she) has been doing it for at least two years.

This gag is so old it has white whiskers and is drawing a pension. When I first saw it years ago, I thought it was stupid. I still think it's stupid.

In my opinion, a prank is only good if it's harmless and very funny or witty or clever or something.

But like any humor, a prank is only funny when it's fresh and new. When it's very, very old, and way over used, it's just very, very dumb.

amending george orwell

You probably remember that famous line from George Orwell's great classic Animal Farm: "All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others."

We Americans like to believe in equal justice before the law, that the high and mighty are subject to the same standards as ordinary men and women. Often that's the case; we've all seen famous people after they're arrested or convicted and making the celebrated "perp walk."

But sometimes it seems certain members of the high and mighty firmament are "more equal than others." Take Virginia's former governor, for instance.

In September of 2014, the ExGov was convicted in federal court on numerous felony charges of corruption. He was allowed to remain free on bond pending his sentencing.

He was sentenced in February 2015, but then allowed to remain free on bond pending an appeal. He lost his appeal, but managed to remain free on bond pending a second appeal.

And then he lost his second appeal, but once again managed to remain free on bond pending an appeal to the US Supreme Court. The appellate court wanted him to report to prison very soon, however, so ExGov's lawyers filed an emergency petition with a US Supreme Court justice to allow him to remain free on bond pending his third appeal.

The Supreme Court justice granted that emergency petition and, as of this writing, ExGov remains free on bond. It is perhaps worth noting at this juncture that the Supreme Court justice in question and ExGov are both from the same political party.

One should also note that the Supreme Court's review of most appeals is discretionary and only granted in less than one percent of cases. So there's a good chance the high court will turn aside the appeal.

Now ExGov may end up being sent to prison before the Supreme Court considers his final appeal; that issue will be resolved in the next few days. But one is left wondering how many ordinary citizens convicted of a felony would be free after losing two appeals.

I suspect very few. So to amend Orwell's famous line, we could say "all animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others, and a select few are much, much more equal than anyone else."

big beautiful women versus project harpoon

Plus-size women like Melissa McCarthy have been making war with an online endeavor called Project Harpoon that created webpages displaying slimmed-down Photoshopped images of large celebrities and models. Project Harpoon's Facebook and Instagram pages have now been deleted because of the uproar.

You can see one example below, with the real photo on the left and the altered version on the right.

I'm of several minds about this. If the project was meant to shame the plus-size women, then that was bad behavior. Some people are overweight because of lifestyle choices but others are because of medical issues.

On the other hand, however, being substantially overweight is widely regarded by most medical experts as unhealthy. Too much weight now can lead to significant health issues down the road like diabetes and heart problems. So is hinting via Photoshop about how someone might look in a slimmer version actually shaming if it's done with good intentions?

As well, freedom of expression issues are involved. If I want to Photoshop a photo of Vladimir Putin's head onto an animal's body, should I be censored for that? Most people outside of Russia would probably say no.

So how is Photoshopping photos of celebrities any different? Like any artistic endeavor, if you don't like it, don't look, but don't try to silence what you don't like.

ordinary heroes

I was heartened by the news item about the six ordinary men who successfully subdued an apparent terrorist on a French train late last week who appeared intent on committing mass murder.

That was followed a few days later by a news report about ordinary citizen passersby in Louisiana who subdued a suspect after a state trooper was shot alongside a highway.

Both these stories brought to mind the ordinary citizens who are believed to have attacked the terrorists who hijacked United Flight 93 on September 11, 2001.

Do these three incidents show that people are now more willing to take a stand than they once were? Or are these rare exceptions to the so-called "bystander effect" and that most people would not become involved?

I'd like to think mass media reports about ordinary heroes are having an effect on some people. That might just be optimistic or naive -- or both -- but I think such the media coverage certainly can't hurt.

The six men on the French train were awarded the Legion of Honour for their bravery. I wish more countries did this and also that the United States had a comparable award.

With so many narcissists in the media self-promoting themselves for no legitimate reason, the real heroes need more attention.

trump is toast

I was having something of a controlled panic about the possibility of Donald Trump becoming President of the United States, and ranted about that here last week. I made no secret about my belief that I think he would be a complete disaster in the Oval Office.

An article appearing in Saturday's Guardian, titled "Here's Why Donald Trump Won't Win the Republican Presidential Nomination," put my mind mostly at rest. The writer spells out a pretty convincing argument, at least from my perspective, about how Trump will be shut out of both the GOP nomination and election.

The writer interviews a lot of seasoned pundits, but I think the strongest points he makes are that polls this early out are close to meaningless and how Trump's summer of popularity is much like Rudy Giuliani's in 2007, except that the latter was doing much better than Trump in the numbers at this stage of the game.

The only clouds I see on this scenario are two the writer doesn't discuss: (1) unlike Giuliani, Trump isn't constrained by fundraising and (2) the 2016 field has far more players splitting each other's vote than in the 2008 season.

I don't share the belief that outsiders from the business world are what is needed in American politics. History has shown that few outsiders make successful politicians. Running a country or a state is not like running a business.

But just for the sake of argument, if a business executive is a good idea for the White House, you'd want someone who was a team builder, a seasoned negotiator, a good listener, smart, and level-headed, qualities Trump distinctly lacks.

the real happy feet

Our son is captivated by this video. I think it's the noise. Cookie is a cutie, but I'll bet he also shits all over the floor. And penguins, like chickens and many other birds, will happily wallow in their own shit and stomp it all over everything.

Penguins are flightless birds, but this little one sure likes to test his wings. I also have the sense after watching this that penguins aren't the sharpest birds in the animal kingdom.

a great author discovery

One of the nicer things in life is discovering an author new to you who you really like, with the added bonus that he or she has already published many novels.

A few months ago, I read an early novel by British author Robert Goddard. I absolutely loved it. So I read another book of his, and loved that one, too.

Based on what I've read about him, his forte seems to be novels partially set in the present and partially in the past and involving a long-unsolved puzzle or mystery. The books are not mysteries per se, but more a hybrid of mystery and thriller.

The two I've read so far involved characters who tried to solve a confusing puzzle in the past and ended up dead because of it. In the present day, other characters become involved in uncovering and investigating the long-unsolved mystery, thereby putting themselves in jeopardy, too. The mysterious puzzle, in turn, is revealed far more complex than it seemed at first and still evolving many years after it first started, a mushrooming conspiracy of sorts.

I'm tempted now to rush out and read everything Goddard has written -- he's published more than two dozen novels to date -- but I will force myself to resist that urge. Like with a sinfully delicious dessert, sometimes things are best enjoyed when done so sparingly and infrequently.

If you're a reader and this kind of book sounds like it might interest you, I heartily recommend Goddard if you don't know about him already.

meet the vomit robot

If you're eating now or have a delicate tummy, you might not want to read on. As for you others, you've been forewarned.

Scientists in North Carolina have built a device simulating a vomiting human for research purposes. The faux puke is actually vanilla pudding.

The research has a legitimate purpose: to test how contagious vomit-borne viruses might be. For instance, puke can spread the nanovirus, and even when cleaned up, infectious agents can remain behind for weeks.

So simply touching an apparently clean table where someone puked a month ago could cause someone to contract nanovirus if he (or she) then touched the mouth.

The linked article includes a short video if you'd like to see the machine in process.

One reader comment on the article struck me as funny and all too true: "We already made several vomiting devices ourselves, though we call them 'children.'"

bad-ass women

For the first time ever, two women have graduated from the US Army's elite Ranger School.

The pair endured the same grueling training ordeals as men, including the requirement that their heads must be shaved. Of the many who start, only a few finish the program.

This was the first year women were allowed into the Ranger School as part of a Pentagon mandate to integrate women into all combat roles.

The women will not be allowed to join the Army's elite 75th Ranger Regiment, however, with their fellow graduates because that remains closed to women.

So how stupid is that? The Pentagon is requiring integration, but it starts from the bottom up. So the women graduate and have no chance for advancement after their tremendous accomplishment.

Somebody needs to kick ass at the Pentagon.

How many of the lard-assed generals and admirals who spend their days pushing pencils and shuffling papers could make it through Ranger School like these two women? I'll bet a precious few.

the president's mistress

News reports surfaced earlier this week about how DNA testing has confirmed that Warren G. Harding, President of the United States from 1921 to 1923, had a daughter out of wedlock by his mistress, notwithstanding he was married at the time.

The child, named Elizabeth Ann Britton, was born the month before Harding was elected President. The relationship with her mother, Nan Britton, lasted about ten years and throughout Harding's presidency until his death in office.

Britton was widely reviled at the time for going public about her relationship and the child's existence after Harding died but did so because she needed money. Since then, historians have largely dismissed her claims and ridiculed her.

Now the history books will have to be rewritten. After several of Harding's surviving relatives were DNA tested (he had no legitimate children), as were Britton's grandsons, science definitively settled the store in Britton's favor.

Harding joins two other Presidents with known oops children: Thomas Jefferson and Grover Cleveland. The latter was the only one to confirm his paternity during his lifetime. Several others, including William Henry Harrison and John Tyler, may also have fathered illegitimate offspring.

I found this Harding story to be amusing, considering how historians are always alleged to know what they're talking about and that we laypersons should never question their wisdom. Now, science has proven they're not so infallible. Anyone who looked at Elizabeth Ann Britton's picture could see the Harding resemblance and even more so in her sons, who are now in their sixties.

And finally we now know why Harding was asleep at the switch during the whole Teapot Dome scandal that happened during his time in office: he was busy inside Nan's knickers.

playing tetris curbs sex cravings

A Queensland University of Technology study has found that playing Tetris for as little as three minutes can block cravings for sex, food, drugs, or alcohol.

Okay, I can understand wanting to inhibit cravings for the last two on that list. And possibly the third if you want to keep off the pounds.

But who in their right mind wants to block sex cravings? The only thing that comes to mind are nuns, priests, and people in prisons.

There are times when I can't wait for evening to roll around, after our son is in bed, so I can get my husband naked and busy. But I can't imagine wanting to dampen those feelings. Even when he's out of town for a few days, I still would rather be all hot and bothered about sex than trying to repress that urge.

I'm curious how researchers decided to test this theory in the first place. Maybe one of them was playing Tetris and realized he (or she) didn't want to indulge in something pleasurable.

Pity the person who becomes so addicted to Tetris that he or she no longer wants to fuck. That would be pretty horrible.

morticia chic

Cher is one of several new celebrity faces appearing in print ads for the Fall 2015 Marc Jacobs collection. Others include Winona Ryder and Sofia Coppola.

In my opinion, based on the photos I've seen, neither Ryder nor Coppola was photographed well. The intense carmine background washes out their complexions.

Coppola's prominent nose appears even larger in the profile shots used because, in part, she wears very heavy eye makeup. Ryder looks overly medicated with too-large dark sunglasses and somewhat unkempt hair cut in an unflattering style.

For her part, Cher looks a bit freakish -- part human, part Morticia witch, with a dash of vampire tossed into the mix. Again, the full-bore red backdrop is too strong, although the effect is not as bad on her.

Cher's face looks unnaturally frozen. I suspect that's the result of extensive plastic surgery. She'll turn seventy in less than a year, so I imagine she's gone through at least two complete face reconstructions to re-lift what has already been lifted before.

I would love to see what she'd look like if she had never had any plastic surgery, but of course what's done can't be undone. She might look her age, but I bet she would be a lot more interesting and naturally beautiful.

the saintly saint bernard

It's amazing how tolerant and patient the monster dog is with the tiny kitten. The dolt who shot this used the vertical setting, so you will probably see it better on the YouTube page. Who knew you could get a Saint Bernard in Russia?

donald trump is dangerous

The amount of Donald Trump campaign coverage is mind-numbing and very disturbing to me here, an American far from home in Australia. He keeps saying stupid things, and he keeps rising in the polls.

He's already threatened military action against two different countries. Who knows how much that would cost and how many lives it would lose.

A President needs to be thoughtful and circumspect. Trump is the antithesis of what is needed in the Oval Office. He just says whatever pops into his head, no matter how reckless.

I keep hoping he'll peak and then plummet in the polls. He acted like a pig in the GOP debate and that only helped him. What will it take to ruin him?

The man is downright dangerous. He's a threat to America. Hopefully one or two or more of his opponents' big-money backers will do some serious opposition research on him to torpedo his chances.

I'm just astounded that people cannot see through him and realize he's a charlatan. Being ten thousand miles from home, I guess I forgot my homeland is filled with so many nihilists who would vote for a jackass like him.

The man is a national embarrassment.

a handy little website

If you read period fiction or non-fiction histories and biographies, you'll sometimes encounter mentions about sums of money spent in a particular year. If, for example, you read that someone won $100 by playing cards in 1920, you begin to wonder if that was a whole lot of money or just a nice bump.

Somehow I found the Inflation Calculator, a free website where you input a number in a previous year and see how much that figure is worth today in today's currency. So I learned that winning $100 in 1920 would be like winning $1,200 today.

I remember my grandfather once told me his father bought a new car in the late 1930s for $800. That number always seemed absurdly low to me, but using the inflation calculator, I learned it would be about $13,500 today.

The website will do calculations for years after 1912 and in US currency only. You can make a rough translation from a foreign currency, however, if you can research what the exchange rate was in the source's time period, and just use go from there.

beach sex leads to time behind bars

I've just read about how, a few months back, a Florida couple was convicted of "lewd and lascivious behavior" for sex on a public beach. Both will have to register as sex offenders as a result of their conviction.

The man was sentenced to thirty months in prison and the woman was sentenced to time served, which amounted to about two months. His sentence was more severe because he previously was convicted for an unrelated drug arrest. Prosecutors wanted much harsher sentences -- fifteen years for him and four years for her.

From the outset, I should say I think law enforcement was right to arrest the couple. They were fucking on a public beach in broad daylight in clear view of young children with their parents, some of whom called the police.

If you have to shag in the middle of the day, and I certainly understand that urge, you find a super private place and have at it. When the urge overtook my husband and I, in the days before our son, we would pull far off a barely used road and then have at it in the back seat where no one could see. Another good venue is an unused parking level in a barely used car park.

The penalties in the Florida case, I would argue, are what's completely off the mark. The sex offender registration is absurd for this kind of thing; that list should be limited to rapists and pedophiles. Cluttering it up with substantially dissimilar and less serious convictions only weakens it as a law enforcement tool.

And the couple should never have served time behind bars. Sentence them to a thousand hours of manual labor with a county road crew or something similar. I think a stint of unpleasant, hard work would make them less likely to do this again, and not cost taxpayers a dime.

is pink sexist?

I occasionally see another young mother at the park when I take my son there to play. She's American and her daughter is only a few months old.

In all candor, she's rather strident and not my favorite person, but I'm not unpleasant to her. She's one of those people with a thousand opinions about everything and just assumes you embrace all of her beliefs, no matter how asinine.

When I saw her a few days ago, I complimented her on the very cute outfit her daughter was wearing, a pretty pink little get-up. She told me that she hated it, but that it was a gift from her mother-in-law, so she was "forced" to put her child in it to maintain family harmony.

And then she volunteered something like: "I would never buy anything pink for my daughter. Pink is sexist stereotyping."

At that point my son came by with a question so I didn't respond to her comment about the chauvinist conspiracy to clothe all girls in pink so that they're repressed their whole lives. Because I'm sure if I'd said anything about pink not being sexist, that's the guff I would have heard.

To me, something is sexist if it's meant to repress women. Dressing a child in pink or purple or dayglo orange or whatever does not repress him or her. My son has a polo shirt that's pink -- so what's that supposed to mean?

Real sexism is wrong and should be bludgeoned. Refusing to hire a woman because of her gender is sexist.

But imaginary sexism is seeing boogeymen that aren't there. Gender neutral doesn't mean we all have to be neutered.

I mean, are we supposed to take anyone seriously who insists we should say "personhole covers"?

selfish versus selfless love

I'm nearly finished reading a long novel where at one point an important politician of 1910 faces a difficult choice: he risks losing the woman he loves if he delays marrying her. But marrying her soon could cause his party to lose their majority, which would endanger important legislation potentially benefiting millions of people.

The opportune time for him to marry could be years away. So what should he do?

If I was the woman in question, I think I'd be selfish. I don't think I could sacrifice love for politics.

Equally, I would try for a workable alternative. Why not a secret marriage?

While few people today might have to make such a choice between love and the good of their country, love and marriage nonetheless can cause shock waves in a small community. I have a distant relative who married in secret, a fact that was not revealed until decades later, after she and her husband died. The complicated reason -- which makes sense but is too detailed to explain here -- was that if their marriage were made public, many people who have lost their jobs and livelihood.

Truth be told, in today's world, I wonder if any powerful politician would choose love over politics. He or she conceivably would make every major decision in life based on the political implications and thus only gravitate towards "safe" spouses, even if there was no love to be had.

orange is the new black

After we finished a straight-through viewing of the American House of Cards, the husband and I chose the women's prison drama/comedy Orange Is the New Black. That usually means we watch an episode a night after we put the wee one to bed.

We were somewhat indifferent about the series after watching the first few episodes, but then both of us independently realized the show was really growing on us. With each installment, the primarily female characters unfold more and more so you begin to have an expectation about how they'll react to certain situations.

Each episode includes flashbacks for one particular character in the ensemble cast, often about how she ended up incarcerated. The next episode moves on to another character and so on.

What really strikes me about the program is how, after you've seen a character's flashback episode, you often have a very different sense about her. Complementing this, certain staff members are shown in their personal life away from the prison.

For example, one Italian-American character seems harmless and something of a buffoon with her constant talk of a fiance who slavishly waits for her prison sentence to end. After her flashback episode, however, we realize she's seriously mentally ill and sociopathic.

All these revelations really make the show a rich, fascinating tapestry. It's some of the best character writing and development I've seen on TV.

We're now about half way through the second season, and I think the show has been growing stronger as it progresses. Just when the program starts to veer too much in the comedic direction, the plot will suddenly yank you back to the dramatic with sometimes emotionally devastating effect.

If you've not yet seen Orange, I would definitely recommend a DVD watching. If you find the first few episodes don't grab you, try to stick with it, because I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.

purse vs. handbag vs. pocketbook

I recently finished a not-bad but not-terrific novel where one of the major characters is a twentysomething woman and California native. Several times in her dialog she talks about "my pocketbook."

The author is British so he probably didn't realize that a California native would never use the word pocketbook. As someone who has lived on both coasts plus the Midwest and now Australia, I know that eastern American women call it a pocketbook while westerners call it a purse.

Younger East Coast women might call it purse, too. Here is Australia, women usually call it a handbag or bag, the common term in the UK, too.

I can understand why Brits and Americans and Aussies might have different words for the same thing, because the language evolved when apart from the motherland. But I've never seen a satisfactory explanation for why Americans use different words for the same thing.

Another one of these oddities, of course, is the old soda versus pop thing. There's even a webpage that tracks this phenomenon in detail.

I grew up in pop country, so I used that term when younger. But some time ago, without planning, I realized I was using the word soda.

the well trained cat

Any person owned by a cat will tell you felines are very hard to train. The video below shows a summa cum laude cat that is the exception to the rule.

As a dog owner, I was amused watching the cat here make its way to the food reward. A dog would race instantly to the food machine because canines have one-track minds.

The cat, in contrast, can be easily distracted. It even prolongs the food reward by playing with the ball in the machine.

The inventor explains on his blog why and how he perfected his machine.

microsoft über alles

Soon after reading about Windows Ten, I knew I wouldn't upgrade. The new version offered almost no features I would use, but it would render some older software I do use inoperable. So why bother?

When a little icon offering to reserve a free copy of Windows Ten appeared on my taskbar a few months ago, I declined. I thought that was the end of that.

Not so. The thing came back again. I couldn't eliminate the icon from my taskbar. I had to manually kill it using the Task Manager menu, but then it would keep reappearing a few hours later like a zombie banging at the window.

I thought once Windows Ten actually became available and I declined it once more, maybe the thing would stop appearing. I was wrong.

I've refused to download the thing, repeatedly followed the instructions to make it go away, but the little fucker keeps reappearing not long after I kill it, like a digital version of Jack Nicholson smashing through a door with an ax.

In all honesty, the thing is no different than the malware that's constructed so it can't be removed. But at least with malware and spyware, a good program like Norton will nuke it. But not that damn Windows Ten icon.

I finally found a solution online which seems to work, knock wood. I tried it a few days ago and the annoying icon has not reappeared. I share the writer's pissed off feelings about Microsoft's dogged insistance on ignoring what I want and trying to impose their corporate will. You will accept Windows Ten, comrade.

I thought of a good phrase to describe this kind of crap: a digital weed.

a modest proposal

Back in the United States, the contestants for the first Republican debate have been announced, based on their current standing in polls, with ten making the cut out of a field of sixteen. Those selected are obviously happy, while the rejected six are none too pleased.

Five polls were used to determine the cut-off, but with half the candidates scoring within the margin of error, the final selection seems entirely arbitrary. I think the losers have a valid gripe.

As an alternative, I came up with a workable solution which I think is a no-brainer.

You have sixteen candidates. Sixteen is the perfect number for an elimination-style competition. Any TV reality or game show or sports producer knows this.

So you start with two debates of eight candidates on succeeding nights.

After each debate, the audience in attendance plus viewers can vote via a 900 number within an hour after the broadcast who they thought were the four strongest candidates in each debate. Out of that first culling, you have eight survivors from the two debates.

The eight survivors go head-to-head in a second debate some time in the future. Again, after it happens, the audience plus viewers can vote for who will be the four survivors. Those four survivors then go on to a final debate (or two or three).

Problem solved.

Yes, it equates politics to reality TV, but isn't it already? When the top-polling candidate's biggest claim to fame is a cheesy reality show, and with candidates constantly sniping in sound-bites, a TV candidate elimination show is the logical next step for American politics.

balding heartthrob?

I semi-regularly pass a large newsstand when I'm in the city where they sell international publications. I frequently see the one shown below, Das Golden Blatt.

It's obviously in German and, according to online sources, targeted toward women. About a third of the time I've seen the publication, they have Prince Albert of Monaco on the cover.

That's a real stumper for me. The guy is a balding toad in his late fifties, head of a postage stamp-sized quasi-country hundreds of miles from Germany. Why would German women care a whit about him? Are they so starved for "glamour"?

His wife looks Germanic, but she's from South Africa, so it's not like she has a home-town connection. The magazine obviously is enjoyed by royalists, given its editorial slant, but plenty of other, more attractive regal men are around to put on the cover before Albert. Even his name makes him sound like a weenie.

If France ever decided to invade Monaco, the war would be over in under a half hour. And the only people who would complain are the tax cheats who hide their money in Monaco's banks.

the lamprey with the combover

I saw these pictures of Donald Trump, which I posted below, and the idea flashed into my head: "he looks like a lamprey." If you don't know already, lampreys are nasty parasite fish of no commercial value.

The lamprey is an apt metaphor for Trump's role in the 2016 election, too. He's sucking the life out of other candidates' campaigns, but he's of no value himself. Just a publicity parasite.

The 2012 race saw some meteor candidates who rose and fell quickly in the polls. Their campaigns fizzled primarily because they ran out of money.

Trump, however, claims to have billions he can spend on his own campaign, so he may last a lot longer. Fortunately he's way behind in the general election polls and now big-money backers behind the other candidates are itching to take him down more than a few pegs.

Not to mention Donald has more skeletons in his closet than an overcrowded charnel house. He would be a truly horrible President in many ways, but that does not seem very likely to happen. I hope.

lying about my age

I will turn thirty next month. I don't feel that old. No one says I look that old. I'm probably in the best shape of my life.

So I'm seriously thinking about telling people I'm twenty-seven if anyone asks. Family and close friends already know my true age, but if it ever comes up with other people, why must I tell the truth?

Of course, I could respond, "I'd rather not say." But that's all but admitting I'm probably older than they suspect.

Is this petty? Maybe. I'll still know I'm thirty. But age is as much a reality as it is a state of mind. I don't feel or look thirty, so maybe it will help me over the emotional hump of stumbling into a new decade.

If men can say they're woman and vice-versa, if people can say they're one race when they're another, then I think society should accept people who fudge their age a bit.

If I do this, it won't be for more than two or three years. There's nothing more pathetic than a 39-year-old woman trying to pass herself off as ten years younger.

So if I finally wait to turn thirty when I'm actually thirty-three, then it won't seem so daunting. And then maybe I can stay in my thirties until I'm forty-four. I'll stretch each decade by a year but no more than two.

I figure by the time I hit eighty-five, I can still say I'm seventy-two. My grandfather could still pass for being in his early seventies when he was in his eighties. Hopefully I inherited his not-so-fast aging genes.

My husband does not plan to lie about his age. He could easily do it. He turned forty-five this year but could pass for forty.

I said that if he doesn't fudge, too, by the time I'm fifty, he'll be more than twenty years older than me. By seventy, it could be close to thirty.

"If I'm still around when you're seventy," he said. "I will probably have no idea how old I am."

kangaroo love

You can see why this dog loves the kangaroo. Unlimited petting! The pup tries to get a bit romantic at one point, but the roo is bigger and faster.

As a non-Australian, I am still captivated by kangaroos, but they're odd animals. I've met a few pet ones, and they don't interact with people like other domesticated animals.

the urinal war

As an American expatriate who hasn't been inside the United States in nearly seven years, sometimes I wonder if certain current events seem larger in the media than they are in daily live for ordinary people.

I've been following the brouhaha in the media about transgender people using public restrooms for their current gender as opposed to their original gender. For example, Caitlyn Jenner -- the former Bruce Jenner -- wants to use ladies rooms.

Some people are up in arms about this. Other people don't care. Add me to the list of people who don't care.

Many Americans might be horrified to learn that public restrooms in some countries aren't gender segregated. There is no ladies room or men's room, just unisex restrooms. That's why parts of the world might be shrugging at this American "scandal."

I've used many unisex bathrooms in both Europe and Australia. They're private enough that no one can see your naughty bits.

Some countries, like Australia, have both unisex and gender segregated bathrooms. I've used both types here. A loo is a loo is a loo when you have to go.

One thing Australia has that I've never seen in any other country is The National Public Toilet Map. This is a fantastic digital resource, accessible from anywhere with a wireless connection, that shows every public loo in Australia.

I cannot tell you how many times we've used this when either my son or I have a call of nature. In our household, we call it "the loo map."