the man who always said no

I have a good friend in California who I'll call Adam. I've never written about him before here. (He has reminded me of this several times.)

I met Adam at a neighbor's party not long after moving to Los Angeles. Most of the people were congregated in the house, but I found him outside alone, enjoying the night sky. The lighting was rather low on the deck where he sat, but I could see he was extremely good looking, one of the handsomest men I had ever seen.

The whorish wench who controls many of my waking thoughts immediately went into action: hot guy, striking blue eyes, sexy voice, very nice physique, well dressed, cultured, no ring on left hand, alone outside without a girlfriend. I was not seeing anyone in particular at the time and decided in the span of, oh say fourteen seconds, I would get him into bed, the sooner the better.

As we talked -- he had quickly complimented me on how nice I looked -- I also learned he was a very smart, witty, and sensitive guy. I deftly found out he wasn't seeing anyone and went into full Defcon Seduction Mode.

We talked for several hours outside on the deck, and notwithstanding the fact I was ready to shag him, he turned out to be one of the most interesting people I had ever met. I assumed, wrongly, he was a model or actor because he was so good looking; he turned out to be a scientist who had turned down repeated offers to be photographed.

I had walked to the party, so he escorted me home and I invited him in. I fixed something to eat, and we sat for another hour or so and talked. I had made several subtle overtures by this point that I was his for the taking, but each time he deftly parried the topic onto another subject.

At about two in the morning, he said he had to go. I countered that he was welcome to stay the night, but he said he had things to do early in the morning and had to hit the road. He kissed me sweetly at the door and invited me to an event the following week. Fortunately, it was a night I wasn't working, so I said yes.

I saw him again and we had a good time. Then another time. And then another time. Each time I had a lot of fun and, without coming right out and saying it, I made it known I could be shagged without resistance. Each time he seemed not to notice. I was sure he wasn't gay, both because I hadn't picked up any signals and he also spoke of an ex-wife plus other women he had dated.

Finally, when I couldn't stand it any longer, I pretty much grabbed the proverbial bull by the horns and broached the sex subject. I said something like I had thrown out some hints, but he didn't seem to notice.

He replied something like, "oh, I noticed all right, the several dozen times you tried. I imagined at some point soon you'd soon throw off your clothes and attack me."

I must have seemed hurt, so he apologized and said it wasn't me. In fact, the issue was him -- he was finally facing something that he had not really confronted before in his life, which was that he was, in fact, gay.

Notwithstanding that he had been intimate with a number of women, including his ex-wife, sex had never rung his chimes. So to go to bed with me would not do it for him. He was tired of playing the charade.

He hoped, however, that we could remain friends and do things together. He really liked women, he explained, but just didn't want to sleep with them. I was somewhat crushed but, at the same time, I realized I liked him too. The sex thing was just me being insecure, my ego saying, "every man wants you, so why doesn't this guy?"

Adam became -- and still is -- a very good friend. He helped me grow many ways as a person and has been a very wise consigliere when I've needed one.

I'm pretty sure, if I had managed somehow to seduce him before his revelation, it would have been a disappointing one-night stand and I probably would not have returned his calls. I've written before about how I rejected men after their test drive in bed, and now in hindsight I can see how that could be a mistake. I made a very valuable friend by failing to seduce him.

My husband, however, is glad for this. He's still firmly convinced that karma or fate or destiny or whatever brought us together, so I had to reject other men before finding him. I'm glad, nonetheless, that one time I failed, I also succeeded magnificently, too.